This week was our anniversary… In keeping with years past, I have chosen to simply share the words I wish I could say to Bruce. Who knows… maybe by sharing them here… by putting them out into the universe, he will hear them too and know that my love for him is still going strong…
Hi Babe!
Happy Anniversary! It is hard to believe that this would have been year 17… Yet, it feels like only yesterday when we stood with our families in front of a judge, said, “I do”, and made promises of love and commitment. I can remember the feel of your hands holding mine. I can remember looking into your eyes and all of my doubts and fears about trusting someone again fell away… I knew this was right. I knew our love was true… and real… and forever.
This year, though, has been one of the hardest anniversaries to date…
I was really looking forward to a day spent simply celebrating us. I wanted to spend time on the beach watching the sunrise. Then, a celebratory dinner at our favorite restaurant down in Cocoa. Sadly, though, TS/Hurricane Nicole changed all of those plans. Instead, I have been stuck here at home, watching the weather and waiting… just waiting.
It feels so wrong… as if “we” never happened… I know it sounds melodramatic, but I have never not celebrated this day. I was actually supposed to be off today to spend the day celebrating us – the biggest blessing my little family has known. Instead, though, I gave the day back at the last minute yesterday. Knowing that I wouldn’t be able to go anywhere, it seemed like a very bad idea to sit here at home feeling sorry for myself versus celebrating.
So, I worked today. It seemed like a good idea to pass the time, and now, at the end of the day, I am simply sitting here in our space – celebrating with a glass of wine and writing to you all the things I wish I could tell you…
Let me start by saying, “Thank you!” Thank you for coming into my life and being my hero. Thank you for all of your love and support… for believing in me… for believing that I could do so much more than I ever imagined.
Thank you, too, for loving my kids… For being the man whom they could count on to love them no matter what… For being the man who showed unconditional love and support from day one. Thank you for showing them what a healthy marriage and an emotionally healthy man look like… For being a true father – not in name only, but in your everyday actions.
Thank you for all the love and endless hugs… For holding me in the night when I awoke terrified of dreams about the past that felt all too real… For greeting me at the door with a hug and a glass of wine at the end of a hard day… For making me feel like the only woman in the world (in your eyes) who mattered… For believing in me… and believing in us.
Thank you for days spent on the beach and all the barefoot dances in the kitchen… For your constant outlook for our safety, and your endless patience. Thank you for this beautiful home, and all the ways you tried to have everything in order before you died.
For all of this and so much more, I thank you! I know our love was a blessing that I will always cherish… a gift that I will never, ever forget.
I love you, Babe, with all my heart… Now and Forever!
Linda
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way.” ~ Pablo Neruda
______________
All of us on this journey know that it isn’t easy. Loss can be traumatic, and the grief and life we are left to figure out is hard. Healing takes time… There is a lot of trial and error and moves at its own pace. Thankfully, though, there are moments and actions we can take to refresh our souls and guard our joy. There are also challenges where we learn that we are stronger than we think we are… Both of these provide moments where I learn a little bit more about faith, life, and love.
Thankfully, as the years pass, I can honestly say that there are more of good moments than bad. Each day, I continue to learn more and more about those things that seem to help me heal and move forward – like sharing precious memories. So, I will continue to allow myself the space I need to heal and process this life without my love… without Bruce. Thankfully, at this point in my journey, I am learning that I am not alone – thanks to you!
In fact, none of us need to be alone, because we have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing and helps us to process that avalanche of emotions that grief brings us. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*
This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief