I will admit, this week had its moments. For the most part, I was fine… I was able to shove my emotions to the back and push forward through each day. (Maybe not the healthiest but it got me through.) But, let’s be honest, this week was all about love and relationships. If you went out in public at all, you know it was impossible to ignore… And when the person you love is gone, it is even harder to smile through the celebration.
It was sweet to watch my grandson prepare each Valentines card for his classmates. I was even able to smile as my friends at work received roses from their “significant others.” I was truly happy for them – I remember the joy of knowing there was someone in my life who loved me and wanted the world to know, as well. However, those same sweet moments also have a way of reminding me of all I have lost, which in turn tends to bring tears to my eyes…
I may have told this story before. Please excuse me if I have, but this week finds me reminiscing…
Bruce and I met on a 100-year-old sailing schooner in the Virgin Islands during the week between Christmas and New Year’s. I can’t tell you why, but we connected almost right away. When the week ended, we both went our separate ways, but neither of us were sure what the future would hold.
During the weeks that followed, we talked and/or emailed daily… The relationship was new… There were a lot of miles between us… We were still trying to figure this out… Or at least, I was. (He always said he knew that week on the ship.)
Several weeks later on Valentine’s Day, I watched as roses and candy were delivered to the other teachers in my school. I hadn’t really expected anything… The relationship was too new, but the romantic in me still wished. At the end of the day, I was called to the office for a pick up.
In true “Bruce” style, he had not sent anything traditional. Instead, he sent an “island bear” holding a dozen roses and a note that read, “Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope you like the ‘Island Bear.’ He is going to look great on our boat in the islands!” It was perfect! He hadn’t done anything “traditional” … Instead, he had put some real thought and feeling into this… It wasn’t anything “normal,” which made it exactly perfect for us.
Two days later, I found myself on an airplane heading to Michigan for the holiday weekend. We both knew we needed to figure out what “this thing” between us really was. While he had offered to come south to see me, I had nixed that idea. I lived in a small town at the time. I knew if we wanted any privacy or time alone to figure things out, my town would not be the place. So instead, I was flying north… And I was terrified.
What if he wasn’t the nice guy he portrayed? What if things went sour right away? What if…? What would I do?
I’ll never forget, getting off that plane and walking down the ramp. (I was so scared!) But, there at the end of the ramp, was the man I remembered – leaning against the wall and smiling at me with all the tenderness I had remembered. He took my bag and tossed it in the back of his truck as we headed to dinner. Then after dinner, we headed to my hotel, said our good-nights and made plans for the next day.
The next day was quite an adventure for me… Bruce had hoped to fulfill one of my childhood fantasies and take me for a sleigh ride, but there wasn’t enough snow on the ground. (However, he did make good on that promise a couple of years later… also for Valentine’s Day.) However, that day he took me to see Lake Michigan (icebergs and all) and an ice carving competition through the center of town. Afterward, we warmed up with some spiced rum and cider in a cozy water-front pub. It was a magical day! By the end of it, we both knew…
That evening as we were getting ready to meet his sisters for dinner, Bruce took me in his arms, kissed me, and said, “I don’t want to scare you off, but I’ve fallen in love with you.” I don’t remember exactly what I said… I believe it was something like “I think I’ve fallen in love with you, too.” All I truly remember is the feeling that this was right… It was everything fairy tales are made of and more… because this was us, and it was real.
And the rest is history, as they say…
So those have been my memories this week… I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself on Valentine’s Day. No… I was simply remembering the precious moments associated with this week…
It was the anniversary of our first “I love you.” It was the memory of those three little words and the moment when we both knew this was not just a shipboard romance… This was a forever thing…
And I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Babe… I (still) love you!
I am so thankful for the memories…
I just wish they weren’t memories…
I wish they were now.
~ Linda, February 2015
Each of us dealing with loss knows what a tough road this can be. I don’t think it is ever an easy one to accept. Often it is in the everyday simple things where we are reminded of our loss and grief. This last week holds its own challenges as we watched the rest of the world celebrate those they love. Learning to smile as we reminisce our own loved ones can present a real challenge. Have you ever felt that way? Would you be willing to share your story or thoughts? To do so, go to the comments and leave a note. *
Who knows… your story may the answer for someone else.
This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief
* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.
