Next week is Thanksgiving… that means being thankful… saying, “Thank you” to God for all he has done for us…
For me, Thanksgiving always meant the beginning of the Christmas season. I always looked forward to watching the parade… my favorite part of the morning. Because we were always cooking, (no matter where we lived or how much trouble it was), Bruce would always move the TV so I could see it and enjoy the parade. As soon as the parade ended, I would (finally) get to play the first Christmas music. It was always the same CD, Peter Paul and Mary’s: A Holiday Celebration… Admittedly, still my favorite. Next came Bruce’s favorite, John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together. After that it was usually time for football, food and family. It was always a wonderful day… one I loved and treasured…
until…
The first year after Bruce passed away, I skipped Thanksgiving. I was still so deep in grief that I couldn’t imagine saying “Thank you” to God. I still felt so abandoned… I was still so very angry. “Thank you” was not anywhere in me… not for this… not for a life without Bruce.
Instead, I spent that first Thanksgiving with my youngest daughter and her boyfriend at Disney. It worked. I was with family (a good thing) but I didn’t have to think about the holiday (mission accomplished).
I didn’t have to think about what it had been and what it would never be again.
Last year I got brave. The feelings of abandonment and anger were gone for the most part. My second daughter convinced me it was time to join the rest of the world and celebrate… and say “Thank you.”
I spent the holiday with her, my grandson and son-in-law. Here is a small part of what I wrote in my journal that day:
Hi Babe! I can’t believe it’s Thanksgiving – my second one without you. This year is hard because I miss you, but I feel welcome and wanted here… I feel loved! I decided to actually celebrate the day this year. We included you in our dinner by bringing in your picture and lighting six candles with the prayer I used each day when you first died.
It ended up being such a good day… tons of food and drink, the parade, playing with Bubba and NAPS! lol!
I came to realize last year that I can celebrate the holidays, but they are different now. So many of the traditions that were important are not as important now, while others are still intact as I share them with my kids and grandson.
But now there is a new tradition at each holiday… remembering Bruce. I mentioned it in the journal entry above and I will include it here. I am not sure where I found it… it is not my idea, but I love it. Perhaps you too are looking for a way to include your loved one this season…
Memorial prayer with 6 candles:
Prayer – We light six candles in honor of you.
(Light candle 1) – This candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It is a reminder of the depth of our love for you.
(Light candle 2) – This candle represents our courage – to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other and to change our lives.
(Light candle 3) – This candle is in your memory – the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things we did and the caring and joy you gave us.
(Light candle 4) – This candle is the light of love. Day by day we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. Thank you for the gift your life brought to each of us.
(Light candle 5) – This candle is the light of hope. It reminds us of love and memories of you that are ours forever.
(Light candle 6) – This candle is the light of eternity – for the day when we will see you again in all God’s glory. We will be together again. We will have healthy, whole bodies and can explore the wonders of heaven together.
May the light of the Lord be our source of hopefulness now and forever. I love you! Amen
This is my way of still including Bruce… my way of making sure he is not forgotten. How do you include your loved ones in your celebrations? I would love to hear from you… Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences, too. To do so, go to the comments and leave a note.*
Who knows… you may hold the answer for someone else.
NOTE: Due to family time, I will be off schedule this week and next. I posted early this week and will be posting late next week. Thank you for understanding my need to enjoy my precious time with those I love.
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