Tag: souls connected

Peace, Love and Grief… Waiting

“When God sends you the man you are called to be with… you will know. This man will speak to not your flesh, but your spirit. You will experience something with him that you have never experienced before. He will love you in ways that other men didn’t. Wait. It will be so worth it when you meet him.” ~ #NeverSettle @knowyourworthrubies

This week I am preparing for the last leg of this cancer journey – the radiation. I am so ready to be finished… to feel healthy again… to live life again. Yet all week my mind hasn’t been on what is ahead. For whatever reason, my mind is on Bruce.

It seems as if he is always there… right in front of my mind’s eye. While there have been days when I felt I was in this cancer thing alone, there have been more days when I would swear I feel Bruce by my side. And this week has found me remembering every precious moment we shared. But our love goes back further than that, because before there was a Bruce, there was the belief that he was out there.

After my divorce was final, I was pretty sure I was through with men… at least when it came to serious relationships. I dated, but I wasn’t really interested in anything more. After 23 years of abuse and dysfunction, I was not going to risk putting myself back in that situation again.

I can remember my mother telling me, I was wrong. She told me she believed I not only deserved love, but she believed without a doubt that God would send someone to love me. I laughed… She would have to believe enough for both of us, because I wasn’t the least bit interested.

Fast forward a few months to a cruise on a small sailing schooner in the Virgin Islands… and Bruce. It was a whirlwind week… I remember the two of us smiling and laughing constantly. Just a couple of months later, I flew to Michigan. That was when Bruce and I realized what we had was different… It was real… And it was forever.

I can remember Bruce telling me that he had always believed I was out there somewhere, and he had never given up on finding me… Nothing like being made to feel you are the answer to someone’s prayers and dreams.

The next few years passed so fast. I love the memories… the relationships he built with my kids, the healing and love he brought to our family, and the smiles… so many smiles. Even now, I still see those smiles. I can picture his face and that beautiful, beautiful smile whenever our eyes met.

I remember our first kiss… And I remember our last. I remember how it felt to hold his hand… so much bigger than my own that most of the time we couldn’t even interlace our fingers. I remember the surprising gentleness of his touch, always calling him “my gentle giant.” Memories of dancing in the kitchen, sailing on our boat, holding hands on the beach, kayaking in the canal, and so many more… Each moment captured as a precious snapshot in time… Each one bringing both smiles… and tears… Each one triggering a special place in my heart.

Which brings me to the present…

It has been almost six years since Bruce died, and I still miss him… I won’t say I “live” in those memories. No – I live my life… I work, I play, I have my adventures and my ups and downs, just like anyone else. But, I still feel Bruce next to me… Our souls will always be connected… And I live, knowing that one day we will be together again…

“I live for the day when I will see you again, in all God’s glory. We will be together again. We will have healthy, whole bodies and can explore the wonders of heaven together.” ~ Holiday Candle Lighting Ceremony

Thank you, Babe, for showing me love… a love that will endure forever – beyond this life and into the next.

“At night, before I fall asleep, I can see your face, and I can (almost) feel you hold me… I know it’s not real – or is it? Is it possible to miss someone so much, you can still feel them when they’re gone? Sometimes, I can see your smile… and your eyes filled with mischief… or the way you looked at me so tenderly – filled with love… I miss that… I miss you!” ~ Linda, 2018

What about you? Have you or do you hold onto those precious moments in time? Are those memories ever the thing that gets you through that moment? You’re not alone… None of us are! Are you will to share how you came to terms with it? Or do you still need support in that area? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts?

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

NOTE: I apologize for posting a day late, and I thank you for your patience. Sometimes on this cancer journey, life doesn’t flow on my schedule. : )

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love and Grief… Looking for happiness

“Now the work is left to us, his family, to carry forth the beauty and joy of that life which has been taken from us. Where we weep, Bruce would have us laugh. Where we mourn, Bruce would have us rejoice. But we know that he will forgive us our grief, for to grieve is to love, to love is to cherish, and to cherish is to give praise and thanksgiving for the life which has blessed us all.”

“Let us depart in peace and look to the morning, assured that today and everyday the sun will rise again. May the truth that makes us free, the hope that never dies and the love that casts out fear lead us forward together until the dayspring breaks, and the shadows flee away.”

“To the Holy Spirit who guides our paths and is able to keep us from falling, to the Son who makes us stand without blemish in the presence of God’s glory, to our heavenly Father who sustains us and whose wisdom is beyond our understanding: Deal graciously with us in our grief. Surround us with your love, that we may not be overwhelmed by our loss, but have confidence in your goodness and strength to meet the days to come; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.”

This was the final reading and prayer at Bruce’s ash scattering ceremony. I had no idea at the time just how prophetic those words would be… “Now the work is left to us, his family, to carry forth the beauty and joy of that life which has been taken from us.” It has been work… hard work while I have spent the last 3+ years looking for that joy… that happiness which left my life the night Bruce died.

I know the saying that happiness can never be found outside ourselves; instead, we must find it within ourselves… and I agree for the most part. However, what happens when two souls are one – completely connected and bonded. While their happiness is strengthened in specific moments in time, their actually happiness is within the two of them together… Their happiness is something they share together; it belongs to both of them as one.

So what happens when one of them is gone? Where is the happiness then? This is where that saying gets turned on its head.

You see, it wasn’t that our happiness was outside either of us… it was deep in the core of both of us… together.

For the longest time after Bruce died, what should have been happy moments became instant reminders that I was now here alone. I remember thinking I would never even smile again… but I have. In fact, I have even laughed. Increasingly over time, I have moments when I am in awe of this life and the beauty and love surrounding me. But, each of these moments is still filled with a twinge of sadness as I find myself longing to share it with Bruce. I always find myself thinking things like – “Bruce would love this,” or “Bruce would not think that was funny… (which makes it even funnier).” So often, I find myself smiling while tears spill down my cheeks.

Once again, I find the next sentence of that prayer so true to the life I live. “Where we weep, Bruce would have us laugh. Where we mourn, Bruce would have us rejoice. But we know that he will forgive us our grief, for to grieve is to love, to love is to cherish, and to cherish is to give praise and thanksgiving for the life which has blessed us all.”

Each day as I sit at my desk, whether here at home or in my office, I am surrounded by pictures of Bruce and I… happy, precious moments forever frozen in time. It is impossible not to wish for those moments… that life again. But as I said a few weeks ago, I know that is not to be.

Life keeps moving on… whether I am grieving or happy makes no difference.
I am learning (in baby steps) how to keep putting one foot in front of the other… How to keep breathing through the tough moments… I find myself constantly praying the last sentence of that prayer, “To the Holy Spirit… to the Son… to our heavenly Father…: Deal graciously with us in our grief. Surround us with your love, that we may not be overwhelmed by our loss, but have confidence in your goodness and strength to meet the days to come; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.”

As time has passed, I have learned to have confidence in God, again. I have learned to face each day with the strength I find in my relationship with God. While it is not the same, I am learning to find happiness in the little things. Who knows, perhaps in time, I will also learn to find my happiness within myself.

Until then, I will remember the happiness we shared. I will give thanks daily knowing Bruce and I were two souls meant to be together, and that is something very precious… In fact, I will remember it as a blessing and a gift from God. I also believe that one day, we will be together again… united as one… and relishing the happiness we knew as “ours.”

What about you? Do you or have you struggled with finding happiness after your loss? How did you come to terms with it? Or do you still need support in that area? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts?

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.