“When God sends you the man you are called to be with… you will know. This man will speak to not your flesh, but your spirit. You will experience something with him that you have never experienced before. He will love you in ways that other men didn’t. Wait. It will be so worth it when you meet him.” ~ #NeverSettle @knowyourworthrubies
This week I am preparing for the last leg of this cancer journey – the radiation. I am so ready to be finished… to feel healthy again… to live life again. Yet all week my mind hasn’t been on what is ahead. For whatever reason, my mind is on Bruce.
It seems as if he is always there… right in front of my mind’s eye. While there have been days when I felt I was in this cancer thing alone, there have been more days when I would swear I feel Bruce by my side. And this week has found me remembering every precious moment we shared. But our love goes back further than that, because before there was a Bruce, there was the belief that he was out there.
After my divorce was final, I was pretty sure I was through with men… at least when it came to serious relationships. I dated, but I wasn’t really interested in anything more. After 23 years of abuse and dysfunction, I was not going to risk putting myself back in that situation again.
I can remember my mother telling me, I was wrong. She told me she believed I not only deserved love, but she believed without a doubt that God would send someone to love me. I laughed… She would have to believe enough for both of us, because I wasn’t the least bit interested.
Fast forward a few months to a cruise on a small sailing schooner in the Virgin Islands… and Bruce. It was a whirlwind week… I remember the two of us smiling and laughing constantly. Just a couple of months later, I flew to Michigan. That was when Bruce and I realized what we had was different… It was real… And it was forever.
I can remember Bruce telling me that he had always believed I was out there somewhere, and he had never given up on finding me… Nothing like being made to feel you are the answer to someone’s prayers and dreams.
The next few years passed so fast. I love the memories… the relationships he built with my kids, the healing and love he brought to our family, and the smiles… so many smiles. Even now, I still see those smiles. I can picture his face and that beautiful, beautiful smile whenever our eyes met.
I remember our first kiss… And I remember our last. I remember how it felt to hold his hand… so much bigger than my own that most of the time we couldn’t even interlace our fingers. I remember the surprising gentleness of his touch, always calling him “my gentle giant.” Memories of dancing in the kitchen, sailing on our boat, holding hands on the beach, kayaking in the canal, and so many more… Each moment captured as a precious snapshot in time… Each one bringing both smiles… and tears… Each one triggering a special place in my heart.
Which brings me to the present…
It has been almost six years since Bruce died, and I still miss him… I won’t say I “live” in those memories. No – I live my life… I work, I play, I have my adventures and my ups and downs, just like anyone else. But, I still feel Bruce next to me… Our souls will always be connected… And I live, knowing that one day we will be together again…
“I live for the day when I will see you again, in all God’s glory. We will be together again. We will have healthy, whole bodies and can explore the wonders of heaven together.” ~ Holiday Candle Lighting Ceremony
Thank you, Babe, for showing me love… a love that will endure forever – beyond this life and into the next.
“At night, before I fall asleep, I can see your face, and I can (almost) feel you hold me… I know it’s not real – or is it? Is it possible to miss someone so much, you can still feel them when they’re gone? Sometimes, I can see your smile… and your eyes filled with mischief… or the way you looked at me so tenderly – filled with love… I miss that… I miss you!” ~ Linda, 2018
What about you? Have you or do you hold onto those precious moments in time? Are those memories ever the thing that gets you through that moment? You’re not alone… None of us are! Are you will to share how you came to terms with it? Or do you still need support in that area? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts?
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NOTE: I apologize for posting a day late, and I thank you for your patience. Sometimes on this cancer journey, life doesn’t flow on my schedule. : )
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