Tag: finding happiness

Peace, Love, and Grief… My Happy Place

I spent this morning sitting at the beach just enjoying the waves and the quiet. After a week of craziness, it was nice to just sit there and relax for a while. For me, there is nothing better… This is my happy place… The place where my brain reconnects with my heart and my soul smiles. Even before Bruce, the beach was where I always went to clear my mind and find peace. So many times, when life was hard, the ocean with its rhythms and vastness has always been the space where I escaped to.

I haven’t been out here very much over the last few years. Somewhere between the cancers and the business of life, my trips here have become fewer and fewer… And, if I am honest with myself, I could tell. My stress and anxiety had built up with no place to go. But I ignored it, as if it was just a normal part of life and nothing that I had any control over.

After spending the previous week at the beach, it dawned on me just how disconnected I had let myself become. Over time, I had brushed this beach time aside, telling myself that it was nothing more that a recreational thing. I was wrong… This is something I have been dearly missing. So, when I got home last weekend, I made the decision to “let myself” go out there at least two times a week… And (this first week) I have done just that.

I went on Monday, and despite the rain, which meant I had to be content to sit in my car and simply look through the windshield, it was still absolutely relaxing! That evening, I knew without a doubt that this has been the elixir I have been missing… This (for me) is an absolute need.

After Bruce died, I went out there daily even though it was the middle of winter. (Granted, a Florida winter is not that bad.) I would bundle up in a few layers, (which always included his favorite sweatshirt), shove my hands in my pockets, and walk that deserted strand for hours.

I think at the time, there was a part of me that was searching for Bruce. I so desperately wanted to go back to the life we had… to the person I had been… the person I was with Bruce by my side. It has taken me years, though to realize that that person is gone… And I can never get her back. There are parts of her I have found again – her strength, her determination, her love for her family and for life. Still, there are parts of her that I will never see again – her innocent belief in “happily ever after”, that belief that our love would be all we needed to grow old together.

I don’t mean to sound cynical, because I’m not… I am simply referring to the innocence of being so madly and completely in love that the idea of it ever ending never, ever crossed my mind… And now, that is different. Now, I know how precious every moment truly is. Now, I know without a doubt that I don’t want to waste any of that time being angry, frustrated, or anxious, especially about things that won’t matter (or be remembered) even days from now.

I want to take each precious moment and savor it. I want to pull everything good out of each day and hang onto it… Because what if there isn’t a tomorrow? Bruce didn’t get a tomorrow… And I thank God every day that we went to bed laughing and snuggled up in each other’s arms. I don’t know if I could have lived with myself if that last night together had been any different.

Then… as now… I need this space by the ocean… This space where I have always felt God, where I can’t help but sing or hum all the old hymns of praise as I walk along the shoreline… And now, this is also the space where I feel Bruce deep in my soul… where the memories of precious moments spent here together help me find my own peace… here, where my soul is happiest.

Thank you for the opportunity to share my story with you. Sometimes, this journey can feel so lonely and other times I know I am not alone at all. For each of us this journey holds its own challenges and peace-filled moments. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together to this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

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Peace, Love and Grief… Accepting “What Is”

Learning to Smile Again

I smile again…
Slow at first,
A little awkward,
Then quickly, I shut it down.
Soon I am smiling again –
A little longer,
A little bigger,
One day I think I will smile like I smiled before –
Full of life… and love.
~ Linda, January 2014

Do you ever have weeks that seem to be meant for reflection? Nothing bad… no real sadness… just plenty of time to reflect on where I have been, where I am and where I am going… This week has been one of those weeks for me.

I think it started last weekend while I was talking to my grandson about our “Happiness Board.” This “Happiness Board” is a dry-erase board in our kitchen. It has three columns (one for each of us) and seven rows (one for each day of the week). Each day we list the things from that day that made us happy or we are thankful for. We started this just a few weeks ago in response to all the negativity that seems to fill this world lately. It is our attempt to stay focused on the positive things in our lives, instead of all the things that can so easily bring us down.

For me, it has become a great way to remain focused on what I have in my life versus what I don’t have (like Bruce). By looking for things to be thankful for… Things that bring happiness, I find myself better able to accept what is happening around me. In many ways, it has become a great reminder to celebrate life… something I know Bruce would want me to continue doing.

What I have found is while the big (aka – material) things may make me smile in the moment, these aren’t the things that make me smile the biggest or that warm my heart the most. In fact, usually it is the most simple things that bring the most joy… Things like afternoon rain, laughing, dancing in the living room or Sunday afternoon naps… So many times, I know it is in the simple moments of life where the best memories are made.

Don’t get me wrong… This board is not a “fix” that demands I must always be happy or ignore those moments when I miss Bruce and a tear slides down my cheek. As I reflect this week, I know those days and moments will probably always be a part of my world. Like the economy, it is the continuous ups and downs that truly lead to growth. It takes both – the times of happiness when I am able to accept “what is,” and those times of struggle when I find myself stretching and growing.

It is weeks like this when I remind myself I should not always expect continuous growth… That’s not realistic. Instead, I need to strive to be a little better each day… Yet, always willing to allow myself the grace to accept it when I’m not – knowing that it’s not only okay… It’s normal.

I guess, the more I reflect, the more I learn… I need to remember the positives God has sent into my life each day. I also need to keep reminding myself that the overall direction of my life is always more important than wherever I am at any given moment as I keep learning to accept “what is.”

To move forward,
You must live in the present moment first…
Whatever it is, let yourself go and just live!
~Linda, February 2015

Learning to navigate through this journey is different for everyone… We all move through it at our own pace and in our own way… and we each have our own lessons we must learn. Have you ever allowed yourself the time to reflect on where you were compared to where you are now? If so, would you be willing to share your experience, there may be someone else out there who needs to hear it. If you are someone who needs a helping hand or even a virtual hug, let us know… we are here for you. To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. *

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love and Grief… Looking for happiness

“Now the work is left to us, his family, to carry forth the beauty and joy of that life which has been taken from us. Where we weep, Bruce would have us laugh. Where we mourn, Bruce would have us rejoice. But we know that he will forgive us our grief, for to grieve is to love, to love is to cherish, and to cherish is to give praise and thanksgiving for the life which has blessed us all.”

“Let us depart in peace and look to the morning, assured that today and everyday the sun will rise again. May the truth that makes us free, the hope that never dies and the love that casts out fear lead us forward together until the dayspring breaks, and the shadows flee away.”

“To the Holy Spirit who guides our paths and is able to keep us from falling, to the Son who makes us stand without blemish in the presence of God’s glory, to our heavenly Father who sustains us and whose wisdom is beyond our understanding: Deal graciously with us in our grief. Surround us with your love, that we may not be overwhelmed by our loss, but have confidence in your goodness and strength to meet the days to come; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.”

This was the final reading and prayer at Bruce’s ash scattering ceremony. I had no idea at the time just how prophetic those words would be… “Now the work is left to us, his family, to carry forth the beauty and joy of that life which has been taken from us.” It has been work… hard work while I have spent the last 3+ years looking for that joy… that happiness which left my life the night Bruce died.

I know the saying that happiness can never be found outside ourselves; instead, we must find it within ourselves… and I agree for the most part. However, what happens when two souls are one – completely connected and bonded. While their happiness is strengthened in specific moments in time, their actually happiness is within the two of them together… Their happiness is something they share together; it belongs to both of them as one.

So what happens when one of them is gone? Where is the happiness then? This is where that saying gets turned on its head.

You see, it wasn’t that our happiness was outside either of us… it was deep in the core of both of us… together.

For the longest time after Bruce died, what should have been happy moments became instant reminders that I was now here alone. I remember thinking I would never even smile again… but I have. In fact, I have even laughed. Increasingly over time, I have moments when I am in awe of this life and the beauty and love surrounding me. But, each of these moments is still filled with a twinge of sadness as I find myself longing to share it with Bruce. I always find myself thinking things like – “Bruce would love this,” or “Bruce would not think that was funny… (which makes it even funnier).” So often, I find myself smiling while tears spill down my cheeks.

Once again, I find the next sentence of that prayer so true to the life I live. “Where we weep, Bruce would have us laugh. Where we mourn, Bruce would have us rejoice. But we know that he will forgive us our grief, for to grieve is to love, to love is to cherish, and to cherish is to give praise and thanksgiving for the life which has blessed us all.”

Each day as I sit at my desk, whether here at home or in my office, I am surrounded by pictures of Bruce and I… happy, precious moments forever frozen in time. It is impossible not to wish for those moments… that life again. But as I said a few weeks ago, I know that is not to be.

Life keeps moving on… whether I am grieving or happy makes no difference.
I am learning (in baby steps) how to keep putting one foot in front of the other… How to keep breathing through the tough moments… I find myself constantly praying the last sentence of that prayer, “To the Holy Spirit… to the Son… to our heavenly Father…: Deal graciously with us in our grief. Surround us with your love, that we may not be overwhelmed by our loss, but have confidence in your goodness and strength to meet the days to come; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.”

As time has passed, I have learned to have confidence in God, again. I have learned to face each day with the strength I find in my relationship with God. While it is not the same, I am learning to find happiness in the little things. Who knows, perhaps in time, I will also learn to find my happiness within myself.

Until then, I will remember the happiness we shared. I will give thanks daily knowing Bruce and I were two souls meant to be together, and that is something very precious… In fact, I will remember it as a blessing and a gift from God. I also believe that one day, we will be together again… united as one… and relishing the happiness we knew as “ours.”

What about you? Do you or have you struggled with finding happiness after your loss? How did you come to terms with it? Or do you still need support in that area? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts?

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.