Tag: precious memories

Peace, Love and Grief… Memories

Memories, pressed between the pages of my mind
Memories, sweetened through the ages just like wine
Quiet thought come floating down
And settle softly to the ground
Like golden autumn leaves around my feet
I touched them and they burst apart with sweet memories *

Some days it seems as if this part of my journey isn’t real… This part where I am alone. How can my heart still be so connected to his heart if he is gone? The memories are so strong and still so vibrant, I feel as if I could reach out and still touch him or still hear his laughter in my ear… Even four years later, it doesn’t seem possible that Bruce is really gone. It is a piece of reality that is hard to accept most days… and nearly impossible on others.

Yet, it is those same vibrant memories that have held me up and sustained me throughout this journey… These memories have not just helped me to survive (as in the beginning), but more recently, they have given me the strength and courage to actually live again.

When I think of Bruce, my heart still flutters as I remember his kind eyes… In fact, I think that was what initially attracted me to him… Those eyes spoke of a soul that was kinder than any I have ever known. Of course, there are so many other things I remember which also make me smile – his mischievous grin, his quiet laughter, and his gentle touch to name a few.

But it doesn’t end there… There are so many precious moments frozen in time here in my heart – memories of dancing in the kitchen, walking on the beach, snuggling on the couch and lying safely in his arms.

Sweet memories
Of holding hands and red bouquets
And twilight trimmed in purple haze
And laughing eyes and simple ways
And quiet nights and gentle days with you *

I love remembering our first meeting in the islands – memories of a brand-new love and intimate conversations within the cocoon of our own, private, little world. I even treasure the memories of the times we disagreed (and made up), as much as the many adventures we shared. Each memory is incredibly precious… Each one reminds me of a time when we were together and for us, love become something almost tangible.

Memories, pressed between the pages of my mind
Memories, sweetened through the ages just like wine
Memories, memories*

Then, there is the memory of that last night… A night I have tried to forget, but instead, each horrible moment is permanently etched in my mind… It is a night I still wish had never happened, but one I will always remember… The night I was forced to say, “Goodbye.”

However, my faith tells me that night was not the end… Thankfully, I have a faith that tells I will see Bruce again, and we will be together throughout eternity. It is that very idea that allows me to pick up the pieces and live my life here… to love each moment as it comes…

Thankful for what was… Thankful for what is… And thankful for what will come.

There’s a part of you that recognizes that you’re really not of this world. There’s something within you that is birthless and deathless and that has no form. It has no beginning, and it has no end.
~ Wayne Dyer

Learning to navigate through this journey is different for everyone… We all move through it at our own pace and in our own way… and we each have our own memories that help us make it through. What are some of your favorite memories? Would you be willing to share one or two? If you are someone who needs a helping hand or even a virtual hug, let us know… we are here for you. To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. *

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

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* Songwriters: Donald Baldwin / Jeffrey Bowen / Kathy Wakefield
Memories lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Peace, Love and Grief… Precious memories

Wishes and Memories

I dance with you in my mind.
You hold me next to you.
I feel your heartbeat and the strength of your arms.
As the music plays, we move gently and gracefully as one.
Then it ends with a kiss
As I wish for one more dance.

I laugh with you in my dreams.
I see your sweet smile and your kind gentle eyes.
I hear you start to chuckle.
Your smile grows.
Then you wink at me
As I wish for more laughter

I make love with you in my heart
I feel your strength and your gentleness.
Your compassion and love flow through me with every touch
And each sweet kiss.
We become one in that moment.
I lay in your arms as you hold me close;
Gently kissing my lips, my eyes, my fingertips
As I wish for one more loving moment with you.

One more dance.
One more laugh.
One more chance to love you.

Then, I realize…
these moments are always with me.

~ Linda, September 14, 2013

Growing up I can remember my grandmother always referring to her “precious memories.” She always had a story about her boys or one of us – the grandchildren… and later her great-grands. She would smile, tell the story and always end it with a sigh and the words – “another one of my precious memories.” After my grandfather died, she would sit wearing his sweater for comfort and talk about her “precious memories” of the man who had shared her life and her soul for most of her life.

Now, I find myself understanding more and more what her life was like after my grandfather died and just how precious those memories are.

When Bruce first died, I was terrified I would forget something. It was so important not to forget anything. I felt like that would be the same as breaking a promise or being disloyal to him in someway. I wanted to remember every story and every detail. For example, the way his eyes twinkled when he had pulled one over on me and was waiting for me to catch on, or the way he would come up behind me in the kitchen and hug me from behind as he kissed my neck and watched me cook.

Such precious, precious memories…

In the first few years, I did a lot of things to “save” those memories… and don’t get me wrong – I am so glad I did. I did (and still do) a lot of writing. Whenever I remember a story, I write it down. I also took every email, note and card that I could find, put them in order and placed them in an album. I love reading those messages and remembering the feelings and stories surrounding each one. I have photo albums from pre-us (birth – mid 40s) up to just days before he died. I even kept his cell phone because it still has the last 2 weeks’ worth of text messages between us.

Preserving these memories was quite cathartic for me. I tried to be as creative as possible since that has always been my outlet in some form. Plus, it gave me something to do that kept me busy and felt important. Now I know, it was important and I am so glad I did it.

For a long time, though, it was hard to read or look at any of these without crying and spiraling down emotionally. Sometimes, I wondered if I was crazy. I wanted to read them. I wanted to remember. More important, I wanted to feel comfort from them. But instead, each time I found myself crying… Crying because I miss him… Crying for all that was lost… Crying because there would be no more “new” precious memories to fill these books. I couldn’t make it through more than a few pages without falling completely apart.

In my anxiety and struggle to remember, I was so caught up in the details that I found myself forgetting the joy that went with those memories… and that is the part that made them so precious. What I didn’t realize was the fact that because I love Bruce, the memories will be there. It was the love between our two souls that created those precious memories – not what time of day it was or the exact words we spoke.

But time and God have been on my side. I have learned to read these only while I can manage to smile. If I start to cry, I take a breath to see if I am spiraling down or smiling through the tears.

If I am crying without a smile, I stop. I know from experience that to continue will not be good for me at that moment. I know that I am focusing on the wrong things… the negative things… the concrete physical things that are gone. I know that the anger and distrust will follow if I don’t turn it around.

However, if I am still smiling through the tears, then I know I am okay. I may be sad but I am still thankful for that memory and that precious moment in time. I am focused on the love, joy and blessings that created our relationship.

That is my goal now… learning how to handle the memories… to appreciate those moments. I won’t lie, I wish Bruce were still here, but that can’t be. Instead I am growing and learning … Learning that as long as I have those “precious memories,” I will always have a part of Bruce in my heart and in my soul…

And I can never forget that…

Because this is our community, please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences, too. To do so, go to the comments and leave a note.*

Who knows… you may hold the answer for someone else.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.