peace – Page 23 – Peace, Love & Grief

Peace, Love and Grief… To Those Who are Gone

While I have my artsy, creative side and my messy spaces, for the most part, I like order. Yes, I like “stuff,” but there is an order to the stuff. Each item has an order and belongs in a certain place (and in a certain way). I am also a “list person.” It brings me great satisfaction to check the items off as each one is completed. For example, the paper towels need to sit a certain way on the holder, and the toilet paper needs to roll from the top. Even my clothes in the closet are arranged by clothing type and color. Shoot, even the little men on the Foosball table need to be lined up just right.

I know it sounds a bit crazy, and Bruce used to laugh at my “nerdiness,” but it’s just me. Honestly though, I won’t say anything to anyone if they do it different, (I don’t expect or want everyone to be like me). It’s just when I notice something “out of place” in my own home, I’ll put it back the way I like it. I don’t know why… It’s just the way I am built.

All of this, I know, is really a control thing. Maybe it comes from raising four children pretty much by myself. Or maybe it is a by-product of many theater productions with over 200 children on stage. Or maybe it is the result of a chaotic first marriage where so much was out of control. Who knows? It just is what it is.

Bruce used to laugh. Sure, even he was particular about some things… But, for the most part, he was fine with “whatever,” or at least that was how it appeared to me. He was always telling me that “the river doesn’t try to move the rocks. Instead, it flows around them with no effort.”

I would laugh. Those were nice thoughts, but that was him – not me. Honestly, I just let it go in one ear and out the other… That is, until he was gone.

The day he died was awful! My world came crashing down around me in just a few moments. My world went from love and laughter and dreams to being alone and feeling completely abandoned. I had no control on what had just happened or what might happen next… Everything was spinning out of my grasp, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I’m sure you can guess one of the first things I did… Yep, I did some research and made a list – a list of all the things that would “help me get through this grief.” In my naivete, I honestly thought I could go through this list, complete each item, and things would be better… I would feel better. I wouldn’t feel this awful grief anymore.

I should have known better, but I didn’t. Everything I knew about loss and death was more from Hollywood than real life… But I learned quite quickly that none of it was true. There was no checklist on earth – no list of things I could do – that could heal the hole left in my soul. Even time on its own couldn’t healed this empty space in my heart.

But over time, I have learned some things…

After Bruce died, I started reading the books he read, and listening to the speakers he listened to. (In fact, I still do.) At the time, I was trying to know him better… I was trying to understand the man he was and how he thought.

A funny thing happened, though. I started paying attention, and for the first time, I actually wanted to learn “how to flow around the rocks.” At first it seemed impossible. It was all so foreign to me.

I kept thinking I needed Bruce’s help. I didn’t think I could figure this out on my own. When he was here, he understood me and how I thought. He knew how to help me relax a little bit and just “enjoy the ride.” But trying to do that alone… without him… Well, that just seemed like a daunting task.

However, as time went on, I did find myself changing… When I looked back, bit by bit, I could see small changes. You see, every time I read one of those books or listened to one of those speakers; I learned something new. Each time, I found myself making a small change here or there… Each time I got a little better at letting another thing go and living in the moment… In other words, I was learning “how to flow around the rocks” and “enjoy the ride” once again.

It has been a long, slow road, but I am moving forward. Then, this week in my reading, I came across this…

“… A family wasn’t a static thing. There were always changes going on, like with continents, sometimes the changes were invisible and underground, and sometimes they were explosive and deadly. The trick was to keep your balance. You couldn’t control the direction of your family any more than you could stop the continental shelf from breaking apart. All you could do was hold on for the ride.” ~ Kristin Hannah, Winter Garden

Boy! This spoke volumes to me… When Bruce was alive, I didn’t want our time together to ever end. In fact, I couldn’t even imagine it. So, when it did happen, I was shocked… I couldn’t even breathe. I wanted so badly for things to go back to the way they had been… To wake up and find this was all just a bad dream… But that didn’t happen.

Through the years that followed, I have tried so hard to stay in control of my world… To never let it fall apart like that again… To minimize my risk of ever hurting like that again… To keep my family close and love them enough… Because then, maybe, I won’t lose them too. Of course, these ate all things I can’t control… All things I need to let go…

So here I sit, trying to figure out where to go from here. I think this is simply another step in my journey… Another moment of growth for me. Honestly, I don’t know what it will mean. I doubt there will be any drastic changes, because each lesson has been baby steps so far.

Yet, I believe, it will mean opening up a little bit more to life and what it offers… Being thankful for those who fill my world and enjoying every moment with them.

I am so thankful for all Bruce has taught me from our time back then, up to now, and even into tomorrow… I am so thankful that because of his legacy, I haven’t just given up. Instead, I want to honor him and all those I love (here and gone) by remembering to love this life and all who have crossed my path…

“To those who are here, those who are gone, and those who are lost.” ~ Kristin Hannah, Winter Garden

This is my story this week, but this is our community… a place to share our experiences. How about you? How are you moving forward? Where are your struggles and your successes? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts… Who knows… your words may hold the answer for someone else. To share your story or thoughts, please go to the comments and leave a note, comment or question.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

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Peace, Love and Grief… Triggers

Isn’t it funny how there are some things that just trigger those feelings of grief? Do you know what I am talking about?… Those feelings of “Oh my gosh, I really miss you today.” It’s strange, I know… For goodness sake, it’s been years! How in the world do those overwhelming feelings still manage to take over every rational thought in my head? I wish I had an answer, but I don’t know… They just do.

I know those triggers aren’t the same for all of us… Shoot, even for me, those triggers can change from time to time.

Sometimes it is a song on the radio… There are mornings when I turn on the radio and “our” song is playing. Three or four notes into the intro can find me blubbering like a baby. It makes me crazy… I love to hear it – that song holds so many precious memories within those few minutes. Yet, almost every time it comes on, I cry, because for a few moments I am thrown back to a time when Bruce and I were inseparable. Then, just as suddenly, I am back to reality… a life without the man I love.

Other times, the trigger can be a simple comment made by someone else. Usually it is someone who didn’t know me back then… Someone who doesn’t connect my life now to someone who watched her husband die in her arms. So, a comment gets made about what they would or wouldn’t do if they lost their spouse, or a judgement is made about someone who is currently grieving a loss.

I know they have no idea what they are talking about… I know they are speaking from a place of un-knowing. They have no idea what that kind of loss is like or how they will respond… So, while on the inside I want to scream and tell them what they don’t know – what they can’t know – and how lucky they are not to know… But I don’t… Instead, I just bite my tongue – saying nothing, or if the tears do fill my eyes, I turn away and busy myself with something outside the conversation. I learned long ago, there are some things in life that can’t be understood until you are smack dab in the middle of it, so there is really no point in trying to explain.

Another one that can take my breath away, is when I see someone who from the back looks so much like Bruce. Maybe it is their build, or the way they move, but there is something that catches my eye and for a moment my heart soars. Or… when I am driving down the road and either spot a car just like his or a truck like the one he used to drive. While logically I know it isn’t him – it can’t be… Yet, I still do a double take every time. Hoping against hope to see that grin and tell-tell baseball cap. What if it is him? What if this really is all just a bad dream, and I am finally waking up? But of course, it isn’t him… it never is. It is only a reminder of him… A reminder that he was here, but no more… And the disappointment that follows is always a struggle.

This week, the trigger was one that comes from within… It wasn’t a song or a conversation or a someone’s similarities or a car… Nope, it was all internal… It was all me… and these are usually the ones that hurt the worse. It is something so silly, I am almost too embarrassed to even say it… But I managed to get my feelings hurt. (Sounds five years old, doesn’t it?) But it is what happened, and I am talking about it because I know we all get our feelings hurt sometimes.

The thing is when Bruce was alive and someone hurt my feelings, I knew he was going to be there for me to lean on. All I had to do was look at him, and he knew. Then, without a moment’s hesitation, he would gather me in his arms and hold me. He would stroke my hair and tell me it was all going to be okay. And the funny thing was, he had a way of always making me feel like it really was going to be okay… It was us (together) against anything that might try to hurt us. I never felt like I was on my own. I always knew without a doubt that he had my back… and his arms were a safe place to land… always… every time… But not anymore.

Instead, when my world turned dark this week, I was left feeling so absolutely alone. More than anything, I needed to feel his arms around me… I needed to hear him whisper that we were in this together, and it was all going to be okay. I needed him… But he was (and is) the one thing I couldn’t have. So… I cried… I cried because I was hurt and the situation is one where I just have to let it go… I can’t say anything or do anything to make it better… And I was hurting because the one person I needed in this moment, can’t be here… Instead, I am alone.

Yes, I have friends and people who care… and I am eternally greatly for each and every one. However, there are some spaces that only Bruce can fill… But that isn’t to be. So instead, I let myself cry… Then I took a breath (and a glass of wine) and pushed forward… If there is one thing I have learned, it is the fact that wallowing in that sadness will not help… Instead, I need to let it go… I also need to remember that I shouldn’t take things personally. When someone is being hurtful, it is really about them – not me… (Bruce used to remind me of that all the time.)

Today, I am fine… Actually, I was fine by the next morning. It was just another hard moment in time that has passed. It was just another trigger that reminded me it’s okay to feel what I feel… It’s okay to miss him and grieve for him…. However, after that, I need to move on and be strong…

And I’m pretty sure that is what Bruce would want, as well…

This is my story this week, but this is our community… a place to share our experiences. How about you? What are your triggers? How do you get past them? How do you handle them? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts… Who knows… your words may hold the answer for someone else. To share your story or thoughts, please go to the comments and leave a note, comment or question.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love and Grief… From the Outside Looking In

I always write from the perspective of the person grieving, since that is where I am… That is what I know. This blog is simply meant to be a journal (of sorts) of what this journey has been like for me in the hopes that someone else can relate to it and know they aren’t alone. This week, though, I was reminded of what it was like before I was thrust onto this path… before I was the widow feeling lost in a world of grief… Back when I had no idea what grief was all about…

My first marriage lasted 20 years before I finally left. It was a hard decision, but the aggression and violence were only getting worse. We tried counseling for a while. He was diagnosed with several mental health issues for which there was help, but he refused… So, honestly, I gave up. I had to face reality and come to terms with the fact that I couldn’t take all of the responsibility to make that marriage work. For one reason or another, it still took several more years to get divorced. However, that isn’t what this story is about; it is just to give you a timeline.

Throughout this time, I had been a small-town, parochial schoolteacher. I loved my job – the kids, the families, and the staff. These people had become my family, and I loved them dearly. At one point early in our separation, one of the families in our school experienced a great loss. The family consisted of two sweet, wonderful, loving boys, Mom (who was pregnant), and Dad (who was a doctor). I don’t know their whole story, and it isn’t mine to tell.

All I can say with any certainty is that one day the mother started feeling ill, and before anyone could help, she died. It was sudden, and it was awful! The whole town was devastated. All of us did whatever we could to gather around this family in an effort to love and support them. As the school staff, we circled tight around those two young boys with more love than you could ever imagine.

Move forward a couple of years later, I was in the final months before my divorce would be complete. (We had been in the process for well over three years.) This Dad started calling “simply to talk.” It wasn’t just nice, it was easy conversation. After a few weeks, he asked me out, but my divorce wasn’t final. It was set for the following month, but not yet. So, I explained that I couldn’t and why. (Yes, I know there are a lot of people who won’t get that. I’m not judging anyone else or what they do… Just my own personal convictions.)

So, we made plans to go out one week after my divorce would be final. Things went fine… It was a little bit awkward, but that was no surprise to either of us. It was my first date in over 23 years, and he said it was his first date since his wife died.

I didn’t know enough then to understand what that really meant. At the time, I assumed it meant we were in similar situations… However, I couldn’t have been more wrong. Like most people who have never experienced the loss of a spouse, I had no idea what he was going through. To my mind, being divorced was a lot like being a widow, and I had no clue how wrong I was.

Let me start off by saying he was a nice guy. We tried dating for several months, and there were never any negative feelings between us. I have nothing but the greatest respect for him and his family… I just didn’t understand where he was coming from… and he couldn’t seem to explain it.

We had a good time when we were together, and we went out every few weeks. However, there were so many things in the relationship that I just couldn’t understand. For example, on our second date, we went to a popular restaurant in town. I remember sitting down, ordering drinks, and looking at the menus. Suddenly, he had this panicked look on his face. I asked what was wrong, and he just said we needed to leave. Next thing I knew, he put some money on the table for the drinks, took my hand, and led me out a side door. Once outside, he let go of my hand, made a few comments about seeing some of the people he and his late wife used to hang out with, and how he didn’t feel comfortable. After that night, most (not all) of our dates were either on his boat or out of town.

A few months later, he casually mentioned taking me to a BBQ at a friend’s house on the upcoming Saturday. Saturday came and went, but I never heard a thing. A few days later, he called and (just as casually) explained that he had been too busy helping with the BBQ to come get me.

Yes… I am well aware of how this all looks and sounds. As my friend told me at the time, “he’s just not that into you,” which was true… and that was okay… But there was more to it than that.

First, there were very few people who knew we were dating – one of my best friends (who knew everything that went on in our little town), my kids (who did all the babysitting), his housekeeper, and his kids (who were more than eager to talk about our relationship at school). In all honesty, the privacy issue wasn’t just on him… I was nervous about people finding out I was dating, too. I wasn’t interested in being the center of any small-town gossip, so I wasn’t making any big announcements about it either.

I probably should have had a clearer idea of where he was coming from, but I didn’t. After all, throughout his home were reminders of his late wife – not just pictures. I am referring to mementos – special reminders… The same type of things I have all over my own home to remind me of Bruce.

Plus, we had a lot of conversations about his late wife… There were times when he would try to tell me how it felt and how losing her had torn him apart… How his faith didn’t feel adequate anymore, but he still pushed forward because of his boys. I know he was trying to help me understand where he was coming from… But I just didn’t get it. Honestly, I don’t know that anyone can until they have been there.

Instead, from where I stood, it felt like he was embarrassed to be seen with me… Maybe I just wasn’t “good enough.” Of course, now I know that was my own insecurities speaking… My own issues stemming from an abusive marriage, which I had never opened up about to him.

So, why am I telling you all of this today? Because so many times since Bruce died, I have finally understood where this man was coming from…

Through the years, I have listened to people equate being divorced and being a widow(er) or tell me the I should “get back out there.” If you have read anything I wrote back then, you will know these things left me feeling incensed. How dare anyone tell me what I should and shouldn’t do? And no, being divorced is not the same as losing a spouse to death. (I was very angry back then.)

Now, though… Well… Now I feel differently. I guess, life has mellowed me a bit. Now a days, I know people mean well when they say I should date again. Will I? I don’t know… It’s really not a priority for me. I know better than to say “never,” but “not yet” is probably an accurate answer.

If I do, I imagine I will feel like my friend did years ago. I imagine it will be awkward and strange… And the last thing I will want is everyone else watching and giving me their opinions. Now, I totally understand why he behaved the way he did. He just couldn’t explain it in a way I could understand back then.

As far as equating being divorced with losing a spouse to death, I have been through both. Yes, there are some similarities… Both are hard, and both create a deep grief. However, there are also a lot of differences. For me, the biggest difference is in choices.

In a divorce, one person (or both) makes the choice to leave. However, when a spouse dies, there is rarely any choice in the matter. In my first marriage, my ex made his choices, and I had to make mine. When Bruce died, though, neither of us had any choice at all… In a moment, he was just gone.

In a divorce, at least one spouse (if not both) must come to terms with the idea that the other person didn’t (or couldn’t) love enough to make it work… That is a very hard reality. In fact, when I got divorced, that reality was a real struggle for me. For a long time, I was convinced there was no such thing as love… “happily ever after” was a myth.

On the other hand, when your spouse dies, the love is still there. It is not a switch that can simply be flipped off. That love you felt doesn’t just stop because that person is no longer by your side. If a child or a parent dies, no one expects you to stop loving them. So, why can’t the world understand that same idea when it comes to losing a spouse?

I’m not saying you can’t love again. Of course, you can. I have seen it happen many times and it makes me smile every time. I’m just saying it takes a very special person to understand that the love you had before will still continue. Then, somehow, the two of you will need to find a way to embrace all of that love to make it work.

I guess what I am trying to say is for those of you who have not lost a spouse, be patient with those of us who have. Ask questions if you need to, but listen more… We are trying to explain things in the only ways we are able at the time. Remember, this path is new for us too.

On the other hand, if you are a widow(er), be patient with those looking in. Keep in mind, they have no idea what this path is like. I truly believe they are trying… and I will bet you, they mean well.

One last thought… While I am pretty sure he will never see this, I want to say a special “thank you” to my friend from years ago. At the time, I felt like dating you was a “safe” way to re-enter the dating world. So, I not only thank you for that, but for so much more. You see, I had no idea at the time, but I was learning a lot from you… Things I wish I never needed, but I did. From you, I learned a lot about death and grief… about not giving up and surviving when you don’t think you can. I learned it was okay to question my faith and figure it out my way. And most importantly, I learned that wherever life takes me, it’s okay to take my time and do it my way.

This is my story this week, but this is our community… a place to share our experiences. How about you? Can you remember ever being on the outside looking in? Have you been able to remember what that was like as you ago through your current situation? How do you handle it? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts… Who knows… your words may hold the answer for someone else. To share your story or thoughts, please go to the comments and leave a note, comment or question.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love and Grief… Valentine’s Day: A Day with the Lions

Courage…

I’m trying so hard to be brave…
But I don’t feel brave.

I don’t want to face tomorrow.
I don’t want to wake up alone.
I don’t want another day without you.

I am so thankful for the memories.
I just wish they weren’t memories…
I wish they were now…

~ Linda, February 13, 2015

Earlier this week as I started thinking about what I wanted to write, I knew it would be hard. Anyone grieving knows that holidays are always hard… and this week’s holiday was one specifically designed for lovers and soulmates. How was I going to write anything that might help or encourage anyone? I wasn’t feeling it. My first thought was to just keep it simple and share some highlights from my journal. However, that all changed when received a meme with a reminder that made me laugh. Let me explain…

With my first marriage, I converted to the Roman Catholic faith and even spent many years teaching in a wonderful, small town, Catholic school. One of the things I loved about the church were the Saints and their stories. According to the tradition I was taught, St. Valentine was thrown to the lions by the Romans as punishment for performing Christian marriages for Roman soldiers.

That story always stuck with me and my kids. In fact, somewhere through the years we started calling Valentine’s Day, “Don’t-Get-Eaten-By-Lions” Day. Don’t ask me why. We weren’t trying to be sacrilegious; it is just our silly brand of humor. So, when I saw the meme and a message that said, “And don’t get eaten by lions.” I laughed… Just that thought holds such precious memories for me. However, on Valentine’s morning, I woke up and realized (once again) that those “lions” are real.

My first “lion” greeted me as soon as I woke up. I had just dreamed that Bruce and I were riding in his truck talking and laughing. It was wonderful! (I love those dreams, and I cherish every one of them when they come along.) When the alarm went off, I didn’t want to wake up. I was so happy in my dream. I just wanted to stay there… forever… just holding his hand and laughing with him. But all dreams end, and I had to wake up.

All morning, all I could think about was how much I miss Bruce… I would give anything to be in his arms again where I always felt loved and secure. I didn’t want to face the reality of the day… I didn’t want to face yet another Valentine’s Day alone.

Don’t get me wrong, people are wonderful and always send me reminders that I am loved and not alone – candy, cookies, flowers. I cannot begin to express how much I appreciate their genuine kindness on such a tough day. In fact, this year one of my daughters and her fiancé even went so far as to rename the day “Madre-tine Day.” They gave up a romantic night alone and took me out so I wouldn’t be alone… So, I’m not kidding – I really do feel loved. However, that morning was still a bit tough as I strove to face my reality… I knew it was time to face the “lions” around me.

People respond to death in different ways, and I realize that some people may believe I should be “over this” by now… Some may feel I should be used to being alone by this time, while others may just be uncomfortable with my grief. I get it… But I am who I am and I feel what I feel… My reality is my reality and I am the one that has to figure it out. Honestly, the reality is loss doesn’t come with an “off” switch for love. I wish it did, but it doesn’t… And on this day, I had to face the “lions.”

So… What were my lions that I needed to face? For me, it was spending a day that is all about love without the one person who loved me completely… that felt like the emotional equivalent of being in the lions’ den. My problem was I had to decide if it was worth the effort to fight for survival or just give up and be consumed by the sadness I felt.

I always start my day with meditation and reflection. So, as I lay there quietly reflecting, I decided to focus on the love around me. Shoot, even if it wasn’t directed at me, it is still a beautiful thing to behold. Each time I saw someone receiving flowers or a couple embracing, I found myself smiling as I thought about Bruce and I. Even if Bruce wasn’t here – even if I am alone, this could still be a day about us and the love we still share.

There have been years when I have bought myself a present “from Bruce.” Not this year, though. This year I knew I had already received the best gift I would ever get – my dream… time and laughter with Bruce. There was no need for anything more since nothing could compare with that.

So, throughout the day, I decided to breathe and seek clarity as I needed it. I decided not to fight or run from the “lions” around me. Instead, I took the time to stop, breathe and separate my sadness from my truth… And honestly, the day ended up being quite wonderful. Dinner was absolutely fantastic. In fact, as I reflected on the night, and how spoiled and completely loved, I was feeling I realized something…

Love is not chocolates or roses or teddy bears… And it is not bound to only one day. No… Love is in the little moments. And I am learning that it is never-ending… It is constant throughout time.

I will always remember you, Babe. I will always celebrate us. Just like my dream, our love existed in the simplest moments of time spent together laughing, smiling and just enjoying each other… that is love. Because I still feel your love, I can choose to slow down, remember and draw on the strength of those beautiful moments together. There is a peace there I will always treasure.

So, I chose peace this year… I chose to ignore the “lions,” and submerge myself in love – not just ours, but all of the love around me.

This is my story this week, but this is our community… a place to share our experiences. How did your Valentines Day go without your loved one? How did you handle it? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts… Who knows… your words may hold the answer for someone else. To share your story or thoughts, please go to the comments and leave a note, comment or question.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love and Grief… One More Would Not be Enough

Hi Babe,

Missing you… It seems like I say that a lot. It’s true, though. There are so many moments when I think, “Bruce would love this,” or happy times I would love to share with you. Then, there are those moments of sadness or self-doubt when I would give anything to feel your arms around me and hear you whisper, “It’s gonna be okay,” “We’ve got this,” or just simply “I love you.”

Oh… What I wouldn’t give to hear those words again. I would say, “… to hear them one more time,” but truthfully, one more time probably wouldn’t be enough. I really want to hear them over and over.

I remember when we were dating and trying to say our goodbyes at the end of another beautiful weekend together. You would always play Diamond Rio’s song, “One More Day.” As it played, you would hold me close, and we both cried… the thought of saying “Goodbye” for even two or three weeks felt like an eternity. (I wish that were all!) Even now, those lines still ring true for me:

“One more day, one more time,
One more sunset, maybe I’d be satisfied.
But then again,
I know what it would do,
Leave me wishing still for one more day with you.”

Boy, is that true! One more kiss… one more “I love you” … one more moment with you… None of it would be enough. It wasn’t enough back then, when we only had to say goodbye for a few weeks, and it wouldn’t be enough now when goodbye feels like forever. I love you so much, I think I will always just want more… And that’s where I am… constantly wishing you were here… for more.

“Grief had become her silent sidekick. She felt its shadow beside her all the time. She knew that if she turned toward that darkness just once, embraced it as she longed to, she’d be lost.”
~ Kristin Hannah, Winter Garden

I read that a few weeks ago, and thought, “Yep… that’s me too.” I guess this constant wishing for you, thinking of you, missing you – all of it… is still simply my grief. Grief has become my constant companion that I try to ignore, because giving into it, acknowledging it, gets me nowhere. It only leads to spiraling down into that dark space deep inside… that space I don’t dare go to, because it is too hard to crawl back out from.

So instead, I let those thoughts flow in and out of my mind without lingering on them. Some days, I actually push them out to avoid the thoughts and emotions that lay underneath them. I don’t dare dwell on it… or talk about it too often.

That probably sounds a little crazy, doesn’t it, Babe?

But I don’t think I’m alone in this. I think anyone who has loved as we loved, and then lost that person, knows exactly what I am talking about. I think there are a lot of us walking around. Each day, we are smiling at the world, trying to enjoy each moment, because we know how precious they are… We know the moment we are in is the only one we are promised, and we don’t want to waste it wishing for something that will never be.

We don’t want to give up… yet, somewhere deep inside there is still a love that will never be silenced… A love we cannot stop… A love that will go on and on, no matter how much time passes.

So call it grief or call it unending love… Whatever it is, I can’t seem to let go… Instead, I just have to remind myself that our time will come again… Because of my faith, I believe the time will come when we will have one day more…

I love you, Babe – Always and forever!

This is my story this week, but this is our community… a place to share our experiences. Do you ever wish for one more ______ with your loved one? How do you handle it? Or maybe you would like to share your story or your thoughts… There is no one right answer. Who knows… your words may hold the answer for someone else. To share your story or thoughts, please go to the comments and leave a note, comment or question.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love and Grief… Feeling Lonely

I spent this week traveling to Denver, CO for work. It’s funny, I lived there for a (very) short while about 38 years ago, but I don’t remember that much about it. At that time, I was just pregnant with my oldest daughter. It was also my first time moving and living away from my family. All I can tell you about my time there (back then) is how lonely I felt…

My (then) husband was gone all day at school and studied at night. We only had one car, so I was left in our little one-bedroom apartment all day… alone. I don’t believe our apartment faced the mountains, because all I remember looking at was flat nothingness day after day. I do remember taking a few day trips on the weekends, but for the life of me, I couldn’t tell you where we went. In other words, some of my loneliness was due to circumstances, but I am just as sure that some of it was my own doing, as well.

Well, this week found me back in Denver again… And by the third night, I had that overwhelming feeling of loneliness once again…

The week started as I left the airport and drive my rental car to the hotel. The drive was beautiful, and I was absolutely entranced by the incredible majesty of the mountains to my right! I can’t remember ever seeing anything so amazing!! I couldn’t wait to get where I was going, so I could take a picture and share it with those I love back home.

As the week passed, I saw old friends and made new friends in our Colorado office. There was even a night when we all went out to dinner together and had a blast. However, most nights I ate alone.

Honestly, the first night or two that was fine – kind of nice actually. I tend to treasure my time alone, so one or two nights on my own felt it was “just what the doctor ordered.” However, as the week continued on, I began to get a little homesick, I guess… I missed those I love back home, and I missed their love for me… And I really missed Bruce.

It probably sounds silly, but one night, the loneliness was so overwhelming, I even cried myself to sleep… It has been years since I can remember feeling that lonely.

After Bruce died, my emotions were raw and all over the place. One of the emotions I remember experiencing the most was loneliness. It was hard coming to terms with the fact that he was no longer by my side… No longer was there someone who loved me the way he had – no one for me to love and no one to love me back… No one to fill my “love-tank,” which came as natural to him as breathing… No one to hold me when I cried, and no one to hug me when we had a big moment to celebrate. No longer was I the center of anyone’s world.

Yes, there were people who loved me – I never doubted that… But there is something about the love between two people who commit to always loving and prioritizing each other. For me, that was gone, and it felt too hard to accept.

Over time, I learned to move forward… To live life as it comes without getting too caught up in what was (still is) missing. True, I still have my moments of tears, but I try to save them for when I am alone. This is because I don’t want those around me to feel like I don’t appreciate them and all they add to my world.

This week, though, without those people nearby… and without Bruce, I somehow let myself spiral down into a sadness and loneliness that I couldn’t shake. Once again, it felt just as painful as it did years ago when Bruce left this world… left me.

It really took me by surprise. I didn’t expect to feel that pain so deeply again… and especially not in such a beautiful place! I don’t really know what triggered those emotions or why… I can only tell you what I felt.

Now I am home… I have hugged my family close and relished all weekend in the love we share. I still miss Bruce today, but that feeling of absolute loneliness is gone. (Thankfully!) And as I reflect on this past week, I am reminded…

Grief is not just a moment in time. It is a process. There are feelings and emotions that will always ebb and flow like the tide… And while most of the time, I can manage my grief and the loneliness it creates, I am still not immune to it, even all these years later…

This is my story, but this is our community… a place to share our experiences. Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the loneliness? How do you handle it? Or maybe you would like to share your story or your thoughts… There is no one right answer. Who knows… your words may hold the answer for someone else. To share your story or thoughts, please go to the comments and leave a note, comment or question.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love and Grief… Learning to Be Still

My heart struggles to reconcile itself with what my mind knows is real.
~ Linda, October 24, 2013

I have often said that grief is a maddening experience. It is. It is a time of struggle and emotional chaos as one tries to make sense of something that just doesn’t make sense. Everything I thought I knew was suddenly gone in a single moment. I have had to relearn how to live. In so many ways, that is maddening… and that is grief.

Over the years, I have learned firsthand that each person experiences grief differently. We each have to find our own way… in our own time… no two are alike. For me, my grief journey ran parallel to my spiritual journey. Then again, that sounds silly because it is all one life, so isn’t it all the same? It isn’t like I have been traveling two paths at once.

I learned rather quickly that I am on one path. It is called “life,” and it has included many lessons. I have learned that it is up to me to explore each one and to bring them all together in a way that makes sense for me. I can’t do it for anyone else… This is my life… this is my path. This is how I am learning and growing as I work to bring my heart and mind together to create a spirit of peace and love.

When Bruce first died, despite my anger and distrust toward God, a certain verse kept running through my mind. This verse never had any special significance for me in the past, so I have no logical way to explain why it was suddenly there in my thoughts all the time… I won’t even try. I simply believe I needed to hear those words in order to survive, and so God put them there. Just as he had sent Bruce into my life years before, he placed this verse back into my heart when I needed it most.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

Over and over, I wrote them in my journal. I mulled over them in the quiet moments. They were a constant in the back of my mind. And despite my anger, I couldn’t make them go away.

There was something there for me – I felt it. I was looking for comfort… something to bring peace to my soul. I came to believe that the secret was somewhere in these words. It was… but probably not in the way most people might think.

I don’t believe it was about church… or religion… or “do’s and don’ts.” It was so much deeper than any of that.

I grew up in the church, directed church choirs, taught Sunday School and even taught in a parochial school for years. God and religion had always a part of my life. However, even before Bruce passed away, I chose to walk away from organized religion. I needed to figure out what I believed… For my faith to be my own, I had to find my own spiritual path to God.

It was been a long road… Still is, actually. It’s probably no surprise, but Bruce’s death really tried my faith in so many ways that I almost walked away from my faith completely. (I was so angry for so long.) But Bruce’s life, his death and my struggle afterward have led me to a faith that I know without a doubt is completely mine. It is not based on what others tell me to think or do. It is not based on rules or someone else’s grand interpretation. It is much simpler than that. It is merely a philosophy and a way of living my life with God as my source of energy.

I know it may sound crazy. After all, how can spiritual matters be so simple? But I came to this realization after watching Bruce and reflecting on how he lived such a genuine life with no pretense… no games.

You would not find Bruce at church on a Sunday morning. Nope… On Sundays, you could find him sitting in his lounge chair with his coffee and his Sudoku watching Meet the Press. Yet, I have never known anyone to live a life more true to the principles of God – a life filled with acceptance and unconditional love for the world around him.

He was not a complicated man. He had a sweet, gentle spirit and a simple faith. I watched him place a cross in his pocket each morning and heard him pray every night before he fell asleep. Then… he simply lived what he believed – no sermons or lectures, no push for anyone to think his way. He just lived it. To him, it was that simple.

So, back to those words that kept going through my head, “Be still and know that I am God.” I can’t tell you how long I pondered those words – trying to figure out what I needed to get out of them. I was so angry after Bruce died, I couldn’t even pray. So you can bet, I didn’t want to be still, and I certainly didn’t want to “hear” anything from God. (Honestly, I wasn’t interested in anything he might have to say.)

Then, one day while reading one of Bruce’s books on philosophy and spiritualism, it hit me. This verse doesn’t say anything about God talking or about me listening. It simply says to be still. It was describing meditation – a practice of sitting quietly, breathing deeply and purposely not thinking… It is about clearing your mind; not filling it. It is an age old practice of simply being in that specific moment. Then letting your breath carry you to the next moment and then the next.

That was exactly what I needed… to slow down… to be still.

As I started a daily practice of meditation, my anxiety lessened and my peace grew. By learning to be still, both physically and mentally, I learned to reconnect to my God. However, this time it has been different… Now, it is a connection of spirit and peace. It is not about rules or being good enough… those are not concerns anywhere in my world. As Wayne Dyer says, it is about the fact that I am “a spiritual being having a physical experience; not a physical being having a spiritual experience.”

It took years, but through those quiet, still moments, I learned to let go of my anger. To my own surprise, I learned to trust God again. I believe that he is my Source, and this life as we see it, is not all there is. There is more… so much more.

Do I believe everyone thinks this way? Of course not.

Do I think they should? That’s not my call, and that is not what this is about… This is how I found peace again, but it is up to each person to find their own path to peace after such a painful loss. We must each choose for ourselves how we want to think and live.

I am only suggesting that if you are struggling with grief or loss, meditation may be a simple way to regain a part of your life. It has nothing to do with religion… These practices are a physical exercise like running or walking.

For me, meditation has been invaluable. It has helped me to regain peace, focus and composure, even on those “bad” days when the grief is more than I think I can bear. All I need to do is breathe… meditate… and just let go.

And because I have a God who wouldn’t give up on me, I have learned to be still and know…

Peace…

This is my story but this is our community… a place to share our experiences. Maybe you found your peace in another way. Or maybe you are still struggling to find some kind of peace and way forward. Or maybe you just want to share your story or your thoughts… There is no one right answer. Who knows… your words may hold the answer for someone else. To share your story or thoughts, please go to the comments and leave a note, comment or question.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love and Grief… Who Knew I Could Laugh Today?

Two weeks ago marked the 7th anniversary of losing Bruce. While I took a day for myself, and didn’t post a blog here, I still spent the day remembering and writing. So, here are the words and experiences of that day, as I felt them and as I wrote them…

Hi Babe,

It’s hard to believe another year has passed since you left us here… seven years. Wow! Some days (like today) it feels raw and fresh like it just happened. Other days, I can manage my emotions better… but it still hurts. One of the scariest parts is wondering how long the hurt will last… Probably until we’re together again, which is likely to be a long time.

I was reading through my Face Book memories last night… That Friday started out so normal. My morning post said, “Woo Hoo! It’s Friday!” Had I known what lay ahead “woo hoo” would not have been my response to the day.

I still think you knew it was coming… I don’t think you knew it would be that day, but you knew it was it was coming, and you chose to face it alone… I am so sorry for that! I have kept a lot of my fears and emotions to myself over the last couple of years to spare others and give them more hope than I might have felt at the time. It was hard sometimes, though. There were times when I would have given anything to be able to confide everything without worrying about how it might impact their world.

So, to think that even I couldn’t be that person for you after all you did for me is a bit tough to swallow. Then again, I do get it. How do you share your deepest fears or darkest thoughts when you want the people around you to go on with hope and positivity? … I understand now… It just gets so complicated.

I have been so tired this year that I don’t really have a lot planned for today. (Nothing formal like I usually do, anyway.) I just want to spend time with you… writing, sitting on the beach, eating seafood… All those things we used to do together.

I have dreamed of you a lot over the last few nights. Thank you! Those “visits” feel so real and make me smile for weeks… Last night, though, was the funniest!!

We all know that you are still here… We know that you move things around and play with the animals. (We can tell they can even see you – how amazing!) In fact, none of that surprises us anymore… It is just a wonderful reminder that you are still here, and that I am not alone. I believe it is the love between us that keeps that bond alive.

It has just been in the last few years that I have been able to sleep through the night without waking up at 1:15(ish) – the time you died. While there are still nights when I will wake up at that time, it is rare – no longer a nightly occurrence. So, last night with the noises started a little earlier than that time, I thought it was you trying to wake me up. (Honestly, I still do!)

It sounded like my birthday balloons were loose, floating around the room and hitting the fan blades every now and then. So, I turned on the light to see. But the balloons were right where they were supposed to be. It was so odd. So, I stayed awake for a while looking at videos of you. However, when nothing more happened, I turned out the light to go back to sleep.

Just as I was falling asleep, it started again. Seriously, Babe! I am so tired these days! I couldn’t figure out what you wanted. So, I turned on the light again… And once again, nothing was moving. What in the world?! I lay awake for a while, looking at pictures of you and I… remembering us… missing you. But… nothing, so I turned out the light again.

Before a minute had passed, I heard something fall and hit the floor in the bathroom. Immediately, I turned on the light and went to see what had fallen. On the floor by the window was one of the shells from the windowsill. Well… shells don’t move themselves, and this one had been a good two inches from the edge. All I could think was, “Wow, Babe! That was crazy!

Then, as I was looking at the other items on the windowsill, I saw him… There staring back at me was a big adult frog sitting in the orchid leaves. For a minute, we both just stared at each other. Then, I started laughing… How in the world did we get a huge frog in the house? Well, I feel that was a “you” thing, and you used him to wake me up.

I ended up getting a plastic container and card, scooped him up and put him outside. I looked at the clock when I came back in, and you know what time it was… Yep, 1:15. LOL! Then, I spent some time with you… reading memories on Face Book, looking at more pictures, talking to you, and missing you.

I didn’t cry, though… It was all too funny!

Thank you, Babe, for such an hilarious start to our day! For wanting to spend time with me! For being you and for loving me! I love you so much – now and forever!

– – – – – –

Well, here I am… at our beach… no flowers, no beer – just time with you. I hope that’s okay. I have been going, going, going for weeks on end… and I am tired… VERY tired! (Physically AND emotionally) Today, I just want to be with you… just quietly sitting by the ocean – reading, writing, watching the waves and watching people.

On the way here, a Chevy Trailblazer, same color as yours, followed me out of the neighborhood. At first, it took my breath away… How many Sundays did you and I pile into that car and head for a day at the beach?… No plans, except to spend time together.

That’s all I wanted for today, too… We could sit out here for hours and not say a word. Yet, so much love would pass between us with a smile or a touch… I miss that… I miss the quiet we shared

I haven’t been out here that much in the past two years, mostly because of surgeries or being sick. Plus, most days there seems to always be something to do or somewhere to be… That’s just the way life is, I know… But this place is where I find peace and joy… and myself. I need to do this more often… with you.

– – – – – – –

Can I be honest Babe? How in the world did a “WooHoo-It’s-Friday” become my worst nightmare? And… why does it still hurt so much? And… Do you know how long until we see each other again?

I know… all questions with no answers… I wish I could “get over it,” but love isn’t a switch. (There was so much happiness with you.) I am learning to be more at peace, though… And that’s a good thing, I believe. I am able to find things in life that I enjoy and that make me smile. Today, that includes thinking of you!

– – – – – –

Well, Babe, the day is done… another one for the books… and I still miss you. I would give anything to lay in your arms just one more time. What I wouldn’t give for you to have been with me today. I love you so much, Babe! (And any dreams you want to visit is A-Okay with me.) I look forward to the day when we are together once again. Thank you for letting me start the day with a laugh and wonderful thoughts of you! (Who knew I would laugh today of all days?)

I love you, Babe… Now and forever!

What about you? How do you spend the anniversary of losing your loved one? Maybe your way of coping is different than mine… Or maybe you just want to share your story or your thoughts… There is no one right answer. Who knows… you may hold the answer for someone else.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love and Grief… It All Seemed So Normal

“Live fully and love fully for you never know what tomorrow holds.” ~ Unknown

It will be seven years next week… It’s hard to believe. There is a part of me that remembers like it was yesterday, and another part that feels like I have been on this journey (alone) forever… As another new year begins, I have found myself spending a lot of quiet moments this past week thinking about our last few weeks together…

It seemed so hard to believe when it happened… Up until the moment Bruce died, life in our home had all seemed so normal. There are so many normal, yet precious, moments in those last few weeks, that I pray I will never forget…

Our new year was supposed to start without any fanfare… We were supposed to go to a neighbor’s house for a short celebration. The plan was to leave by 8 pm, because Bruce had to be up at 3:30 AM to go to work the next day.

However, when the time came to leave, neither of us wanted to go… so we stayed… until midnight. It was so unlike either of us. We both took our jobs and responsibilities quite seriously – never late, always dependable. But that night was different… That night was spent laughing, dancing, holding each other close and reveling in the love we shared.

The next day, Bruce called out for the first time I had ever known, and we spent the day together, as well. We slept in, snuggled a bit, and spent some time on the beach. For dinner, we danced a little more in the kitchen as we cooked. Then, spent the rest of the evening snuggling and reminiscing…

It seemed like the perfect day. In fact, it seemed like the perfect way to start the new year… What could possibly go wrong when the year had started to perfectly?

The week progressed in such a normal fashion…

A couple of days later, as I was driving home from work, I realized my brakes were making noise. When Bruce got home, he immediately headed outside to fix them. It was late, and he was tired, but he was so protective, and never wasted any time to ensure I was safe.

I was so appreciative and asked what I could possibly do for him to make his day a little bit better. I remember laughing when he asked if I would make him one of my chocolate chip pecan pies. (So much for our “healthy” New Year resolutions.) But, without hesitation, I headed into the kitchen, and by the time he had finished fixing my brakes, he had fresh-out-of-the-oven pie waiting for him.

It’s funny, but neither of us really thought a lot about it… It was just how we rolled…

“If they matter to you, let them know.” ~ livelifehappy.com

It really was just a normal week, but I do have few other memories…

Halfway through the week, I received a text from Bruce about some bears being spotted near my office. I don’t work in a remote area… I work in the middle of town. So, I thought he must be teasing me, because I am terrified of bears. But when I challenged him, he “LOL’d,” and sent me link for a news article. Then, he suggested I might want to stay inside and skip walking on my breaks and lunch that day.

I still have that text, and it still cracks me up… How were there bears in the middle of town… and how did he know about it before my office could send out a notice? (Always looking out for me… that’s how!)

Bruce had that Thursday off, but I headed off to work. I had to wake him up to kiss him goodbye, and I remember him playfully trying to pull me back into bed, rather than letting me leave. However, he must not have had too much trouble waking up, because by the time I got to work, I had a text message from him. It was a picture of the sunrise with the words, “The one thing we still haven’t done together. I wish you were with me. I love you.”

I smiled… I wished I were there too… But we lived at the beach… We would have many opportunities to watch the sunrise together… We would just need to plan a day…

I remember the next morning, as Bruce was leaving for work, we hugged each other tight… I can remember leaning my head on his chest and telling him that I wished we never had to say, “goodbye” … I couldn’t wait for the day when we would both retire and just “play” all day. He smiled, kissed me and simply said, “Agreed.” Then, he hugged me close one more time before he left.

It wasn’t unusual for Bruce to work a 14-hour day, and that Friday was no exception. While I worked late, I still beat him home by hours. I had stopped on the way to pick up Chinese food, a favorite for both of us. As I watched his food grow cold, I sent him a message asking when he would be home, because I missed him.

I ended up falling asleep on the couch as I waited but woke up immediately when I heard his key in the lock. Immediately, I ran across the house to greet him. He was tired, but who wouldn’t be? I took his things and put them away. Then, sat with him as he ate his dinner.

We laughed and talked about our day. Then, we started making plans for the weekend and what we wanted to do. He just smiled… too tired to do much talking. The weather was supposed to be beautiful, so we wanted to do something on the water – either the boat or the kayaks. We finally decided on the kayaks since they were brand new (one of our Christmas presents to each other).

We always went to bed together, and that Friday was no exception. Bruce always made sure the house was locked up tight, and the bed was turned down. Then, he would always help me into bed and tuck me in before climbing into his side of the bed. I always turned out the light, then snuggled into his arms with my head on his chest and my legs wrapped in his… and that is how we slept.

I remember as we lay in the bed that night, I was worried about something. I couldn’t tell you what it was now – I don’t remember. But I can remember, him chuckling, kissing the top of my head, and telling me “not to worry – it would all be okay.”

That was our last night together… We never went kayaking that weekend… I never baked him another pie, and he never again fixed my car… We never sent another text to each other… or hugged and kissed goodbye… I never again ran across the room to welcome him home… And we never saw that sunrise together…

All of those “normal” moments were gone, because Bruce never woke up again… Instead my world came crashing down around me.

This is what I am remembering this week… The anniversary of our last week together and Bruce’s death. Yes, it has been seven years, but my heart still aches… Most of the time, it doesn’t feel real. Time has not taken away the hurt and grief. I have just learned how to manage it better…

This week is a tough one for me, and I am asking for your prayers, support and understanding, as I remember and allow myself to grieve for a little while.

What about you? Does any of this strike a chord with you? How do you handle the anniversary of your loved one’s death? Maybe your way of coping is different than mine… Or maybe you just want to share your story or your thoughts… There is no one right answer. Who knows… you may hold the answer for someone else.

** Since this is a hard week for me and next Sunday is the actual anniversary of Bruce’s death, I will not post a blog next week. I am going to take some of my own advice and do a little self-care. I plan to spend the day in whatever way I need to, without an agenda or responsibilities. Please, take care of yourselves and know that I will be back the following week.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love and Grief… Dear Family and Friends

I spent this last week cruising the Bahamas… I know… It probably sounds like I ran away from Christmas again, but actually we just postponed it until yesterday. Cruising the week of Christmas, though, brought back so many memories… Not just good memories – I am talking great memories…

Why so great? Well, because Bruce and I met the day after Christmas while on a cruise… Back then, we were a small town, Catholic school teacher from SC and a teamster, truck driver from MI… Who knew that day… that moment would change both our lives forever?

This past week as I met new friends and watched new relationships develop, I thought of that week years ago over and over, but I didn’t say a word… I didn’t want to make anyone else uncomfortable or mess up their holiday. In fact, even after we were home, I continued to keep my thoughts and memories to myself. It’s Christmas, after all – the holidays. It’s not supposed to be a time of grief or tears.

However, I wasn’t alone in my thoughts, because someone else brought it up…

I received an absolutely lovely message that mentioned Bruce and I meeting on that cruise years ago, how I was the “love of his life,” and so many wonderful thoughts. I smiled like a Cheshire cat when I read it. Then, at the end there was an apology… My own thoughts reiterated back at me, as I read the heartfelt apology… Just in case the message made me sad or messed up my holiday in any way… Which has led me to this…

To all my friends and family,

I am writing this letter, just in case this has ever entered your mind…

I know it has been (almost) seven years since Bruce passed. In that time, you have watched me go through a lot of pain and (hopefully) growth. I can only imagine that all of this wasn’t easy for you either. Many of you had your own grief to deal with… And then, there was me… And I know, I was a basket case (for a very long time).

In the beginning, every thought and every memory sent me into another wave of grief, which could last for days or weeks. Losing Bruce was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. Yet, I know it was hard for all of us. Through the years, I have come to understand that more and more. I pray you will (or have forgiven) my blinders to your own pain and grief during that earlier time.

It has taken me years to get a hold of my emotions and my grief. It took me a long time, but I have learned to smile and laugh again. I have learned to enjoy and appreciate my life, my family, and my friends.

However, to be honest, I have also learned to keep my grief to myself. With the exception of this blog, I rarely share my thoughts and feelings… or my still present grief. Why? Well, it’s a little complicated, I suppose.

Admittedly, there is a small part of me that is worried I will be judged because I’m not “over it” yet. But mostly, it is because I don’t want to ruin your day… I don’t want to go back to that time when I seemed to always bring everyone else down… So, even if it is a good memory or story, on the one hand, I don’t want you to think I am still obsessing about Bruce and the loss of “us.” But neither do I want to remind you of your own pain and grief.

However, after this week, I realized that we may both be avoiding the same things. So please, if you want to talk about Bruce, do it! Tell me a story, share a feeling, grieve for what we lost, or let me know you need a hug (real or virtual) … And, please, please, please, don’t ever hesitate to do so…

I love thinking of him… I love stories about him. I love hearing how he fit in others’ lives and the relationships you shared with him. I love all of it!

All of these bring me joy and make me smile… All of these remind me that although he is gone physically, he is still here amongst us. For as long as his life and legacy are spoken out loud… For as long as we who knew him, remember and speak of him, he is not forgotten, and he will continue to live in our hearts…

And that will never make me sad.

I love you all and thank you for all your love and support on this journey!

What about you? Does any of this strike a chord with you? Do you ever hesitate to speak of your loved one because you are worried about the reaction that might follow? Do you love to hear others speak of your loved one? Do you think others hesitate to speak of them because of how you might respond? Maybe your way of coping is different than mine… Or maybe you just want to share your thoughts… There is no one right answer. Who knows… you may hold the answer for someone else.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief