Note: If you noticed that I was missing last week, thank you for noticing. I was visiting family in SC. Knowing that this time with family is precious and not promised next year, I wanted to devote all of my energy on those moments.
With the new year, this week has been one of reflection… What worked… What didn’t… What did I learn… And what do I want to focus on moving forward. That being said, I thought I would share my Top 10 List of Grief Lessons Learned in 2025.
1. Grief was debilitating in the beginning. Back then, every moment was a struggle to simply keep breathing. After almost 13 years, grief has seemed to settle into a state of sad acceptance with only occasional debilitating waves. (This is also something I am grateful for… The energy required in the beginning would not be sustainable forever.)
2. My word for 2025 was “truth” – live it, speak it, stand in it… However, I learned pretty quickly that people don’t necessarily like truth, despite all the noise to the contrary. The only “truth” most of us like is the one that allows us to continue thinking, saying, or doing everything the same way without any challenges, self-awareness, or ideas that might necessitate change. (Especially when the person standing in their truth is someone who has always been a “pleaser” in the past who made life easier – not more thought-provoking.)
3. Grief has taught me that joy and happiness really are two very different things. While happiness can be fleeting and is much more dependent on external circumstances, joy is completely internal and can be accessed despite external circumstances – even the truly devastating ones like grief. It isn’t easy… but it’s depth and availability are completely within my grasp.
4. All things are made up of energy, (atoms)… And energy never vanishes or dies. It can transform, but it never simply disappears. Therefore, when our loved ones die, their energy is still around us, but in a different form. It is on us to be open to “seeing” that energy and recognizing it as their present love.
5. Having lost the love of my life, resulting in tons of personal research, therapy, and writing this blog, one would think that I would be the first person to reach out and know just what to say when someone else experiences a similar loss. I do try. However, the introvert in me still struggles terribly with that. I know that we all experience life and grief differently, so I still worry about making assumptions and saying the wrong thing based on my own experience. (This is one of those lessons that I need to continue working on.)
6. Grief comes in many forms, with many triggers… and all of it has its challenges. In other words, it’s all hard… and it all sucks!
7. Self-care is how I manage my grief best. When Bruce was alive, we took care of each other. We made sure the other person had not only what they needed, but also the little things that energize us. For each of us, that looked different, but we each know when the other wasn’t getting that care that helped us maintain balance. With Bruce gone, I now have to stay aware of my own needs and maintaining that balance. It might look like meditation, going for a run, a hot bath, or even looking in the mirror and giving myself a compliment. It feels weird and even self-centered sometimes, but I also know I am a better person when I do it. Self-care (for me) isn’t optional anymore – it’s mandatory.
8. According to “experts”, there are five stages of grief. I’m not disputing this theory. However, it is important to know that these “stages” are not some kind of linear, step-by-step map for grief healing. It is more of a way to categorize the biggest emotions felt in grief and are used to understand our current emotions and needs. Each stage can appear, disappear, and re-appear multiple times throughout the years. They can even overlap, or multiple ones can show up at the same time… And while there will be past lessons you can apply, there will also be new lessons and new challenges that must be learned before moving on.
9. Friends and family mean everything… I mean the ones who don’t require you to adjust your grief to make them feel better… I am talking about the ones who don’t try to talk you out of your grief or belittle your emotions… I am referring to the ones who are willing to simply sit with you in the darkness, if that is what you need… These are the heroes! These are the ones who will guarantee your survival… These are the ones who help us find our way back out of the darkness so we can live the life that is still before us.
10. It isn’t all about me… It never was… If I want others to accept me where I am on this journey, then I must do the same for those around me. I need to remember that I am not the only one dealing with sadness or pain. I am not the only one with lessons to learn. We all need to know there is someone who cares… And we all need to be that someone for others.
So, that’s it. I am sure I could come up with more, but ten seems like a good number… And besides, this gives me a lot to contemplate as I move into 2026.
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.
I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*
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