Life, in its cruelty,
Gives us the gift of love
But along with it
Comes an hourglass counting down the moments
Until it is gone.
~ Linda, Sept 2013
Last week I wrote about Bruce dealing with his own mortality… About wanting life to be as normal as possible for as long as possible… And, about appreciating the “Gift That is Life.” This week I want to pick that thought back up… Life… It really is a gift… The best gift…
If there is one thing I have learned on this journey, it is the idea that each moment is precious… And the next moment is not promised…
I’ll always remember our last night together… We laughed; we talked; we made plans… It was all so normal. I would never have guessed that night’s kiss would be our last. I would never have guessed I would never lay in his arms again and feel the security that was offered there. I would never again feel the contentment and security that comes from unconditional love… I would never know any of those again… Not from Bruce.
Once he was gone, my whole perspective on life changed. What had seemed so important before, was not… What was important? Family… love… acceptance…
Those were the very things Bruce always valued. He loved his family. It didn’t matter if things were awkward or stressful… He always just loved us… All of us. It didn’t matter if he agreed with what was happening or the choices made or the actions taken… He just loved us. For him, it was that simple.
Don’t get me wrong… There were plenty of times when he was hurt by these very things, but it never changed how he felt or how he responded. I believe he felt that way because he knew his time was limited. I also believe he understood the big picture… He knew what was really important. It wasn’t about having his way, or people even understanding his perspective… His goal was simply to accept (no judgement) people where they were and to love us.
It’s weird, but when he died, that part I understood! The idea that life it too precious to waste on anger or self-pity struck me deep.
I know there have been plenty of times on this journey when I have felt sorry for myself and wondered “why us?” But when it comes to my relationships, I have learned that letting things go and just loving is way more important than being right.
Life is too short… Bruce died when he was only 52… He was young, especially when you consider the medium life span for men is 78. We thought we had years left together… But we didn’t… And that is my point… We don’t know how much time we have left together.
When Bruce died, I had no regrets. We weren’t arguing nor were we cold with each other. We were close… We were intimate… We spent as much time together as we could. We didn’t waste time on anger or “keeping score.” Things were good!
But life isn’t always that way… I see people arguing or treating each other with disrespect or simple cool disdain… What a waste! If life ended tomorrow, is that really where you want it end?… Not me…
This journey has taught me that I may not get tomorrow… Today, this moment, is all I have for sure. Understanding that is huge! Living it is even bigger…
I love my friends. I love my family. We may not always agree or understand each other. We may inadvertently hurt one another… (After all, it’s what people do, even when we don’t mean to.) But no matter what, my love is bigger than anything else…
It’s been a long, hard journey, but that is one thing I know… I have learned to ask myself, “If life ended now, would I be okay with what I am doing? … With where things are?” If not, what do I want to change? What do I need to do different?
Why? Because I remember that Bruce saw our life together as a gift – each and every moment… And I want to offer that same gift to those I love, as well.
Everyone deals with loss and grief in their own way. For each of us, trying to understand why things happened as they did can be a challenge in and of itself, and our paths are as diverse as the drops of water in the ocean… And realizing the preciousness of life is the best thing we can do. Maybe this feels familiar… Perhaps you too have struggled with the “why” of grief. If so, we are here, you are not alone. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or even a virtual hug, let us know… we are here for you. To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. *
Who knows… your story may the answer for someone else.
This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief
* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.