If you have been keeping up, then you know that I have been struggling with the current course of events in the news. For me, I don’t care where you fall. (I know and love people on both sides of the fence.) What I am struggling with is all the hatred and venom being spewed out at each other… People who have known each other all their lives are attacking each other in such a hate-filled way, and I can’t wrap my brain around it.
What happened to respectful discussions and debate? What happened to simply not discussing topics that will create conflict? What happened to relationships being more important than being “right”? My heart is struggling in ways I never imagined possible.
When I met with my therapist earlier this week and expressed my anxiety… when I cried my eyes out trying to make sense of all this malevolence we have allowed into our relationships, she told me that I would never understand all this hate, because I don’t have that level of hate in me. She said that even people who have created trauma in my life, people I should release and let go, I don’t… I continue to find something in them to love.
I’m not saying that to brag. I’m not really sure it is a good thing. Obviously, it is healthy to release toxic relationships and move on, but I struggle with that… So… I struggle with others’ ability to hate someone they once held in friendship and love. My brain cannot fathom such a thing.
So, currently, I find myself grieving… Grieving for lost friends and lost relationships… Grieving for people being manipulated by outsiders and strangers to the point of “them vs us” tribalism, instead of “them and us” unity. I am grieving for the abandonment of love and compassion in favor of the acceptance of hate and irritability.
How did we get here? … How do we find our way back? … And why, oh why, did Bruce leave me here to figure this out by myself?
Then today, as I read ahead in my Lent devotional, it said, “… human feelings are acceptable… We don’t have to be positive all the time, nor do we have to handle problems alone. We can lean on other people, if only by asking them to be present with us, <as Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane>.” *
I guess that is what I am asking today… I really need to feel like I am not alone. Whether we are on different sides of the political fence makes no difference. Can’t we dig deep and remember what it is that we love about each other? Can’t we choose to lean on each other in times of anxiety and pain? Can’t we simply choose to sit with each other and offer some kind of compassion… love… strength – politics be damned?
I am struggling right now, and I don’t want to be alone. Conversely, I would be honored to offer you that same support. I care… I care about you… about me… about us. We may be trying to navigate this chaotic time without our loved ones, but that doesn’t mean we have to do it alone. Please, let’s hold space for and with each other… Let’s put our differences aside and offer each other a safe space to grieve… a safe space to feel what we feel… a safe space to simply be… and breathe for a while.
* Rev. Ellen Debenport, In the Garden: Lent 2025, March 9
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you. Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*
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