What do you think of when I talk about “healing”, specifically “healing from grief or loss”?
For me, I think I have always thought of healing from grief in the context of once again being that person I was before Bruce died. From that first moment when I started looking for ways to “heal”, I know I was looking for several things… a way to make the hurting stop… a way to go back to being the positive, trusting person I had been before… a way to go back to thinking my life was “charmed” (with Bruce)… a way to once again trust the path life had laid out before me.
Up until the moment he died, I really thought I had finally found my “happily ever after”. I thought I had already “paid my dues” in my first marriage. I thought the rest of my life would be spent side-by-side with this man who was the absolute love of my life… But… I was wrong.
That path ended abruptly one Friday night, and suddenly, I found myself at a complete loss as to how to move on… I wasn’t even sure I wanted to move on. It was like I had suddenly gone from a life filled with sunshine and rainbows to a life of total darkness. There didn’t seem to be even an inkling of light to help me find where to take the next step. I felt completely hopeless, and it was terrifying.
For years, I have done all kinds of things in search of a way to “heal” from his death. I have read books, watched videos, gone to counseling, threw myself into creative projects (such as painting, gardening, and writing), committed my full energy into my work (both at home and professionally), and the list goes on.
At this point, I honestly can’t say if I was trying to move forward or just trying to avoid feeling the pain… or (most likely) a little bit of both. I can say that even after many years, I still hurt and I didn’t feel “healed” at all.
This last year, though, I have found myself learning how to be more mindful about where I am focused, which has truly helped more than anything else I have done. Then, this week, I read an article in a Lenten booklet that talked about reimagining healing… That was a completely new concept to me… Something I had never thought about… And while the article wasn’t specifically talking about healing from grief, it definitely hit that mark with me.
After reading it, I have felt challenged to add another layer to the way I am approaching this grief journey… And this layer is about changing how I think about “healing”. Let’s be honest, none of us will ever be able to go back to being that person we were before our loved one died (or whatever event has created our grief).
Instead, for me, I need to find ways to flourish right where I am… right now. I need to stop trying to go backwards or recover some illusion that no longer exists. Instead, I need to work on opening my mind to a new idea of what my life… my healed life… can look like… I know it sounds corny, but I need to find a way to really and truly “bloom here I have been planted”.
Anything else will simply always leave me feeling un-whole and unhealed. However, if I can find ways to shift my mind-set – to look for ways that encompass peace and joy in my life as it is right now – that is healing. In fact, this week I realized that those moments when I am able to do just that are also the ones where I feel Bruce’s love still all around me… and that is also healing.
“Healing, in its deepest expression, is a reimagining of what it means to be whole and healthy…” ~ Rev. Ken Daigle, Release and Reimagine: Lent 2026, I Reimagine Healing
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.
I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*
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