If this moment weren’t important,
I wouldn’t be here for it.
~ Linda, January 2014
I have a piece of paper taped to my work laptop which reads, “I am grateful for this moment.” It’s not that I am an ungrateful person, but sometimes on this journey I need to be reminded that each moment is a gift unto itself.
As much as I hate to admit it, there are times when it is easy to fall into the trap of “why me” or “here we go again” when life happens. Do you know what I mean? Life throws us curveballs… Things go wrong. And if I let myself focus on those things… Well, then that is all I see.
We have all been through tough times. Most likely, if you are reading this, it is because you have experienced loss as one (or more) of your “tough times.” Like everyone else, I have had my fair share of “tough times,” too… Some harder to get through than others… Some more taxing physically, and others more taxing emotionally. While my current path is more physical, it has also held its emotional challenges, as well.
I will say though; Bruce’s death was the most challenging one of all… and still is. It isn’t something I have been able to just walk away from and forget. It seems to have left such in impact on my very soul that it continues to influence my day to day life.
This week I found myself reading Mitch Albom’s book, The Time Keeper – a beautiful story about learning to appreciate the time we are given. The story is about three people – Father Time, a dying man who wants to extend his time here, and a teenage girl who wants to end her time here. I loved the story; it was sweet and beautiful. But it wasn’t until I got close to the end, that I made a connection to my own life. There is a three-sentence conversation near the end of the book, which struck me in its simple truth…
“There is a reason God limits our days.” “Why?” “To make each one precious.” – Mitch Albom, The Timekeeper
Wow! Such a reminder… I know when I look back on our time together, each moment… even the most simple ones are precious to me. In fact, the more simple the moment… the more precious it seems to be. I love remembering the moments when Bruce would simply reach across the car to hold my hand. Or the times he would grin at me, and I knew he was up to no good. Or the times he would look at me across the room, and without a word, we both knew what the other was thinking.
Those moments mean the world to me, and I am so grateful for each one. The funny thing is, though, I didn’t realize how precious they were at the time… They have become more precious now, because they can never be repeated… They were limited.
Yet, I know I need to appreciate the fact that they happened, and not get caught up in the fact that they cannot be repeated. In other words, I also need to appreciate the moment I am in… not just the moments that are over… I have to remember to be “grateful for this moment”… and be willing to live in it fully and completely.
When you are grieving, though, that is the hard part. It is hard to willingly take that step forward into “what is” versus hanging on to “what was”. And no matter what others say or do, it is a journey you must figure out for yourself… not by yourself, but for yourself.
Sometimes I believe the universe has a way of driving a point home, because my devotions this week also focused on living now… on being fully and completely in each moment as it comes. I don’t want to preach at you, so I will simply share some of the quotes that touched my heart this week from the Daily Devotional: The Word for You Today…
“The first step is always the longest step and the hardest. You can’t just take a step forward into the future; you also have to eliminate the possibility of moving backward into the past.”
“To begin a new chapter, you must end an old chapter.”
And the one, I know I must keep close to my heart…
“To be fully alive is to be fully present.”
Being fully alive and fully present in each moment can be a challenge even in the best of times. And when loss is involved, being present and willing to move forward is hard. Period.
Finding the balance between remembering, letting go, and finding the trust to step forward is not intuitive or easy… At least, not for me. It is a one-day-at-a-time proposition, and some days are easier than others. And honestly, whenever another crisis hits, (and it does because life keeps going), it can be even harder…
But I am learning…
And I am striving each day to live up to Maya Angelou’s saying…
“This is a wonderful day. I’ve never seen this one before.”
I love the quiet before the world wakes up.
The stillness in the air
As if the entire world were holding its breath
In anticipation of what this new day will bring.
~Linda, September 2013
What about you? Do you ever struggle to find the balance of remembrance and moving forward? How do you deal with it? Or do you still need support in that area? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts?
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