Peace, Love and Grief… A Sad Day

Sometimes it really does seem like when it rains, it pours…

If you read this blog with any regularity, then you are probably already aware that this is a rough time of year for me emotionally. It’s not just the holidays… There are a lot of special days, as well. For example, just last week was Bruce’s and my wedding anniversary.

You may also remember that just a few weeks ago, our little family lost one of our cats, Duffy. Well, in the days since then, our oldest cat, Frogmore, has been on a steady decline…

He and Duffy had been together since Bruce and I got married. That means they had been together, day and night, for about 14 years, and he has very obviously missed her. While before, you would never have guessed he was such an old cat, this week has left no doubt.

Watching this decline, we are pretty sure Duffy was the one taking care of him. Almost immediately, we began to notice little things… For example, he couldn’t hear us… If we wanted him to come to us, we had to find him. We also realized that his sight became limited to shadows, at best, which means he couldn’t see at all in the dark.

Up until this week, he still seemed to be managing. However, this week has brought on a distinct difference. First of all, he was eating and drinking a lot less than normal. Also, his back legs were giving out from under him every few steps. Earlier this week, my daughter placed a shoe box on the ground, and that quickly became his second favorite place to be… As he lay in it, the sides would hold him up so he could still see what was going on around him. This is where he spent his days while we were at work and school.

Once we got home, however, all he wanted was to be in my arms… I could stand or sit, he didn’t care. He just wanted to lay his head on my arm, and every so often he would reach up with his arm and pull me closer into a hug. On the one hand, I loved it, and on the other, it broke my heart.

I think he knew his time was growing short… And I just wanted to breathe him in for as long as possible…

Frogmore was right at 20 years old. When my second daughter was a teenager, he was found as a kitten outside the store where she worked. The local Voodoo priestess had presented the kitten to her, with simple instructions to “love him.” He was immediately named for the sleepy town where we lived, Frogmore.

Throughout her last years of high school, she and Frogmore were inseparable. He slept on her pillow and brought her “gifts” of whatever he had hunted that day. She took care of him day and night, even through relentless cancer treatments in the early days.

Only once did he run away… My daughter had just left for college, and I would swear, he went looking for her. From that day forward, though, Frogmore has been by my side. He moved to Michigan (where he met Bruce’s cat, Duffy) and back here to Florida. He was the Winnie the Pooh of cats, with a heart of gold, a love of food and completely at peace with life.

We have had many pets through the years. Most of them died on their own – of natural causes or old age. Yet, this isn’t the first time we have had to make this decision. The first time was many years ago with our boxer. She had Lymphoma, and I hate to admit it, but we waited too long. She was in great pain and unable to move by the time we were able to let her go. It was totally selfish on our part, and not fair to her. With Duffy, we had no idea she was in any distress until we came home that day. With Frogmore, I wanted to do better.

So today, we said, “Goodbye.”

In theory, it sounds so simple… But it isn’t. It wasn’t an easy decision, and in fact, I have put it off a few times because I just couldn’t. However, I didn’t want him to suffer… I didn’t want something to happen and have him lay for hours waiting for us to get home. I didn’t want him to be in any more pain… In other words, it was probably one of the hardest decisions I have made, but I wanted to do right by him.

So here I sit – crying…

I know he was a cat… But he has been a part of this family for 20 years, and my heart is breaking. He has been by my side through so many milestones and pain points. He grieved with me when Bruce died, and I know he has grieved the loss of Duffy, (probably even more than we have). And now, today, we are grieving him…

Thank you, Frogmore, for always being here… For loving me through thick and thin… You will be missed more than you know, and I will love you always and forever!

What about you? I know I am writing about a pet today, but have you been here too? All of the pets Bruce and I shared are gone, and it is like another bridge to Bruce has closed. If you know what I mean, please share your story. This is OUR community, and I would love to hear from you. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

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