“I learned that no matter the person, their errors, and our own beliefs, everyone deserves unconditional love.” ~ Emanuel Walker, The Daily Word: May June 2024
I know I write a lot about the legacy Bruce left behind. This week as I contemplate the relationships in my life, I find myself thanking him. Why? Maybe it is because the life he lived and the legacy he left behind has completely changed my own…
After my divorce and before I ever met Bruce, my mother wrote me a letter and in it she said, “I pray every day that you will find someone to love you like Jesus loves you – completely and unconditionally. After the violence and chaos of my first marriage, all I could think was, “I’m good. I just want some peace in my life.” Still… I thanked her for the kind words, because they really did mean a lot to me… even if I wasn’t on board.
Just a few short months later, I found myself on a cruise through the Caribbean falling in love in this man who offered me exactly that – complete and unconditional love.
I won’t lie. It was hard for me to understand and accept in the beginning. I had never known a love that didn’t require anything of me other than love… no rules… no choking down my own thoughts or opinions. Instead, there was a mutual respect that allowed each of us to be who we are… and even allowances for being human.
I’m almost ashamed to admit it, but even after many years, I struggled to understand it. There were times when I would start to revert back to what I knew… or thought I knew about love, but he always led the way and encouraged me to simply be me… He really and truly just wanted that… for me to be me.
He just had this knowing that we needed to each be who we were as individuals – no changing to meet the other’s expectations. In fact, the only expectation that he ever expressed was that of mutual devotion… And he made that so easy.
But it didn’t stop there… He extended that same unconditional love to our kids – his and mine. When we got married, we had five teenagers between us – he had one, and I had four. So, you can only imagine all that came with that situation.
It wasn’t impossible, though. They were and still are wonderful people with loving hearts. At the same time, they had a lot to figure out. My kids were coming out of the same environment I had been in, (and all of the emotional baggage that came with that) and his daughter suddenly found herself going from being her father’s only child to having a lot of siblings. It wasn’t easy for any of them, and we both knew that.
Yet, he managed to maintain that same unwavering, unconditional love for each and every one.
Did that mean he simply sat back and said nothing as they managed those difficult teen years – no. However, when he did step in, it was always with patience and love, and (with mine) it came with suggestions – not demands. He never tried to replace their father, but to simply be a loving person in their lives. I can’t even begin to tell you the miraculous effect it had on four teens who had only known anger, violence, and chaos from their biological father.
So, this week, as I look back on what was before Bruce, what came with Bruce, and what has come after Bruce, all I know is that I was so blessed with the gift of his love… A love that showed me exactly what love is really all about… Because love never demands that we give up any part of ourselves or that we be anything other than ourselves. We can still love those who choose not to love us as we are… who would rather walk away than to accept us for who we are… and that’s okay. It hurts, but it is honest… Because love – unconditional love – is just that – total and complete with no other demands… and I have been so blessed to have experienced that at least once in this lifetime.
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
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