I didn’t Cause it.
I can’t Control it.
I can’t Cure it.
I can learn to Cope with it.
~ Unknown
When I was going through my divorce years ago, it was hard. Even knowing it was the right thing to do did not make it any easier. I was raised to believe in commitment… divorce was not supposed to be an option. Yet, there I was going through one of the (then) hardest milestones of my life… To admit that this man could never love me or our family (likely because he couldn’t love himself) was one of the hardest things to admit and believe.
In my core, I knew what I had to do, and I did it, but it was a struggle. I dealt with a lot of guilt put in place by years and years of a religion that said “divorce is wrong no matter what.” I also dealt with an obsessive spouse who refused to let go… someone who harassed our children and me non-stop… It felt like hell on earth for all of us.
I can’t remember at what point my mother sent these four lines to me. However, I do remember that it sat on my bedside table for years as I worked to heal from years of abuse. Those lines gave me a lot of strength as I released the guilt, fear and anger, and (slowly over time) replaced it with confidence and peace. While I know the first three lines are usually seen in AA materials, the difference was in that last line… “I can learn to cope with it” … That line gave me hope that there was something better waiting in my future.
And there was… His name was Bruce…
He walked into my life when I wasn’t looking for anyone and loved me when I didn’t believe anyone ever could. He taught me that life is fun and filled with adventure. He helped me realize that I am stronger than I ever imagined. He taught me to love again… and to trust again…
He showed me how to “cope with it.”
Somewhere through the years, I tucked that piece of paper in a drawer with other random notes and papers. I haven’t thought about it for years… until this week. Don’t ask me how, but despite three moves, I came across this same piece of paper in my writing desk drawer this week. How it got there, I have no idea. (It is so bizarre that it would show up now, after all these years.)
However, what I do know is April is a hard month for me. (It is Bruce’s birthday month.) Already, I have had more crying moments than usual… I know I needed to see this paper again… and there it was.
When Bruce died, I lost all hope… Our life had been so perfect… so full… everything I could have ever wished for. But in a moment, all that was gone… vanished… finished. I have spent the last four years learning to live life again… Only this time, I have to do it alone. Admittedly, some days I am more successful than others, but I keep at it… And I refuse to quit trying.
Today when these lines crossed my path once again, I felt like it was a message from Bruce… A note telling me that I can do this. I can learn to cope with it… I can learn to trust again… I can learn to hope again… (Although, whether I ever love again remains to be seen.)… But I will take it one day at a time as I learn to “cope with it.”
Grief is hard, but I believe that God (or the Universe or whatever you want to call it) puts things and people in our path that we need at the time. Sometimes these things that pop into our path seem so simple, yet they can make all the difference in our outlook.
Learning to navigate through this journey is different for everyone… We all move through it at our own pace and in our own way. Perhaps you have had moments like I had this week. If so, would you be willing to share your experience? Perhaps there is someone else out there who needs to hear your story too. If you are someone who needs a helping hand or even a virtual hug, let us know… we are here for you. To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. *
This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief
* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.