I truly believe I am blessed… very blessed, actually. I know… That’s not something I tend to say (or write) here often enough. Yet, it is something I firmly believe to the depths of my soul… Why?
Well, there are a thousand reasons… Having had Bruce as a part of my life would be a big one… As well as, my kids, my sister, my family, Bruce’s family, my friends… (And that list could go on and on.) So many people to love and to be loved… Such blessings!
Today, though, my thoughts are centered on how I have always managed to have a “happy place” … Do you know what I mean? I am talking about that sacred space where once you enter your body seems to instantly feel a little more at peace. Whether you are there because life has gone awry and you are seeking peace, or maybe you are at one with the world and just want to fill your soul with a little more peace, it doesn’t really matter… You know this is the space to find that.
For me, that space has always been somewhere outdoors. (Funny, I know, for a girl who hates camping… I guess when it comes to creature comforts, I put a lot of stock in a real bed and a warm shower.) Still, though, I love being outdoors. (In fact, when going out to eat, if outdoor dining is an option, that will be my choice 99% of the time.)
As a child, my happy place was the woods. We lived out in the country, so exploring and meandering through the woods was how I passed my time… Quickly, it became my haven from the world. Even when I was eight and we moved closer to the city, there were still woods close by which became my safe harbor from the rest of the world. I can remember spending many hours in those woods, sitting on the rocks by the creek, sharing my thoughts out loud and “watching” them drift downstream – to be taken away by the same current tickling my toes.
During my teen years, my happy place expanded to our sailboat and being on the lake. Granted, the access was more limited… There were factors to consider, such as the weather, plus towing and launching the boat… And any of those could make or break a plan to get away. However, once I was out there, there was something about the combination of the serene quiet, the breeze, and the vast expanse of water and sky that always calmed my soul.
By college, my happy place had transformed just a bit to be anyplace by the water. Yet, the beach was (and still is) my absolute favorite… especially one little quiet beach just south of Charleston, SC. I have spent many wonderfully, solitary hours on this beach – letting her magic calm my soul and soothe my hurts.
(Almost) every year during my first marriage, this beach became the much-needed balm for my soul. Even years later, when I went through my divorce, (which was an insane three-year process), this was the place where I would come and walk for hours. This was the place where I found peace in a world that was imploding and the energy to go back and continue on.
The next year, Bruce and I met on a boat and bonded over a love for the water. The beach was both our happy place. We spent hours on or near the water creating precious memories and restoring our souls in preparation for the week ahead. Some of our favorite places were sitting by the river near our home, on our sailboat at Lake Michigan, and at the beach near our home here in Florida.
When Bruce died, we were living in this same little coastal town. So thankfully, I was still able to spend hours with my feet in the sand, watching the waves where his ashes were scattered, and trying to reclaim my life, (which felt impossible in the beginning) … This is something I still treasure being able to do.
This past week, though, I was back at that favorite, quiet beach in SC with my sister. We spent hours just sitting on the beach, the dock, and the porch – talking, laughing, sharing, reading, resting – all the things… But mostly, absorbing the magic of the ocean and the marsh as they have worked to heal my soul this week. This has been a tough year with plenty of heartache and growth, so I am extremely thankful for this space… in this time… and the calm that fills my entire being whenever I am there.
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. Learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
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