Note: As you may have noticed, there was no post last week. It was our anniversary. I took some time off, went to the beach, and spent time reminiscing about us.
As I have done in the past, I would like to keep it simple today by sharing some of what I wrote to Bruce as I sat by the ocean… Not all of it, because there are parts that are only meant to be between he and I.
Hi Babe,
Happy Anniversary! It’s been quite the year… I believe you and I both know the challenges that this year has held. Shoot! The whole “you knew” thing almost killed me. I was so hurt and angry. Sigh… Much better now, though. Coming to an understanding within myself and accepting the part I played in that whole thing helped me a lot.
As I write this, I am sitting by the ocean. I can’t get to our “normal” station due to the flooding that happened here last weekend/week, but I’m close. It’s kind of nice to be out here (almost) alone on a Monday… So peaceful here in my chair, but the ocean itself is pretty rough. I am guessing there are still remnants of the storm offshore. The waves are much bigger than normal… Most of them are higher than my head – even close to the shore.
You would have loved to be out there on a boogie board today. I can remember so many times watching you as you walked back out of the surf with that big goofy grin after several fabulous waves carried you down the beach and into shore. You would look at me and smile like the cat that swallowed the canary. Lol! What a great memory!
I really miss our time out here – just sitting, holding hands, reading or napping – simply relishing this space and allowing it to calm our souls after a week of “crazy” at work.
I went to “our” restaurant on Saturday to celebrate us. I go every year (when there isn’t a hurricane, that is). They are always so kind and attentive, and the whole experience brings back the memories of our last anniversary there… You were so excited to take me there, and even had the wait staff take pictures of us… The man who rarely allowed his picture to be taken was actually the one asking them to snap that moment into a permanent reminder of us… of who we were and how much we loved each other. (That makes me smile.)
I am so glad we met all those years ago… beyond blessed! Do you ever stop to consider what a miracle it was that we found each other?? It blows me away sometimes to think that a school teach from SC decided to take her son on a last-minute cruise to the Virgin Islands and ended up in the arms of a truck driver from MI… The fact that we both fell head over heels in love by the end of the cruise feels like a fairy tale. How does that even happen?? (There were definitely “other” forces at work to pull that off!)
I am so glad we were both willing to take a chance on each other and ended up with an amazing love. Neither of us were perfect, and I have spent years thinking of all the ways you loved me, but honestly… we were good for each other. It was a balance that helped us both find the best in each other. We were so blessed to share our lives with each other… even if it was only for a little while.
Thank you! Thank you for all the love… Thank you for the confidence… Thank you for offering all of that and so much more… and all unconditionally. All you ever asked of me was to love you… and you made that incredibly easy!
I love you so much, Babe… Beyond the boundaries of this earth… Always and forever!
____________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.
I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*
This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief