Just as Christmas quickly approaches, so does the end of 2023… Sometimes in the bustle of all that is the holiday season, we put off reflecting on the passing year until the last minute or once the new year begins. This year, as I try to be more mindful, I have found myself reflecting now versus later. This has been a year of loss and a year of gain… True to life in its purest form, 2023 has been a balance of both.
While I know this and accept this, the holiday season still holds its challenges. I still miss Bruce. I’d be lying if I said otherwise. I would give anything to have him here, but he isn’t… and he isn’t the only one who is missing. As I have written throughout the year, there are several people who have left my life this last year. It’s hard, and I grieve them all… not just Bruce.
Then, this morning, I read this:
“Our lives are always changing. Just as people come into our lives, they also leave – some gradually, others abruptly… Christmas is the perfect time to remember those who, for whatever reason, are no longer with us.”
~ Rev. Teresa Burton, Advent: The Sweetest Christmas, December 17, 2023
Each of us has experienced that sense of loss at some point in our lives. Sometimes those we love and care about leave because of life circumstances… maybe we just lose touch over the distance of time or space. Sometimes, that loss is not intentional, and sometimes it is… Sometimes there is the painful reality of changes in relationships, where someone decides it is healthier to part ways… Sometimes it is due to illness… or even death. No matter what the cause, none of it is easy, especially during the holidays.
This week, I have found myself reflecting on the people who will be missing from my home this season. As I said when referring to Bruce, no matter the reason for the distance or loss, it makes me sad… I hate it… I grieve it.
Earlier this week, I even found myself wishing things were different… Wishing I could have just one more hug from each of them. As I dwelt on it more and more, I found myself wanting to change the way things are… to resist the distance someone placed between us or to bring back those who have passed. I want a perfect world with a perfect holiday season. I want all “my people” in my home and for the space to be filled with nothing but love for one another.
In other words, I want to be in control and have it the way I think is best… But as I have been learning this year, that is not realistic, nor is it life. Plus, I don’t really want to manage everyone’s life… I know I don’t have all the answers. In fact, many times this year, I have thought my world was falling apart, only to realize as things played out, that God/the Universe has it all under control… In fact, often times, the best things have come as the result of what initially seemed awful.
So… instead of being in charge of anyone else, we each get to make our own choices, and honestly, I want it that way. We all need to find our own way on our own path… and we need to accept it when others make their own choices – even the ones that break our hearts… And that’s not easy. However, life is all about the ups and downs… It is about learning to navigate those hills and valleys… and still finding a way that exudes love and peace.
So that is my goal this week, as Christmas and the New Year approach… To reflect on the warm memories of those who have left my life… To appreciate those who are still in it… To send love and peace out into the world in a way that transcends distance, space, time, and physical or metaphysical planes. I want to continue this path to peace by accepting what I cannot change… Loving those who are gone… and appreciating what I do have by focusing on all those who continue to fill my world with love and peace each day.
“We must meet the experiences of life with the knowledge of their part in life. To do this is to have power over the events of life. We cannot stay in any place and say: ‘Here is where I want to be. I don’t want anything else to happen to me. I want to be away from the fret and worry of common life. I want to stay on this high mountain or in this ivory tower.’ This isn’t the way life is. This isn’t the way to happiness or contentment. Strange as it may seem, happiness, joy, contentment, and victory belong to the overcomer.”
~ Paul Hasselbeck, Heart-Centered Metaphysics
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal has been to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
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