Most of us have heard of the infamous redwood trees of northern California. They are some of the tallest trees in the world. These trees can reach heights of over 350 feet tall. This last week, however, I learned something new (to me) about these amazing trees. While their height is incredible, their root system is actually quite shallow. There is no tap root. In fact, their root system is only six – twelve feet deep, with a typical root only about one inch in diameter.
So, considering their size and lifespan, (these trees can live up to 2000 years), how on earth, (no pun intended), do they manage to stay upright? That seems impossible to me.
But here’s the trick… The root system on these trees spreads outward about 50 – 80 feet, and these trees grow in groves. In other words, their roots end up intermingling with each other, and they literally hold each other up! How amazing! And what a lesson for me!
There have been so many times in my life when things got tough, and I tried to go it alone only to find I couldn’t… I need the support of those around me… Those who love and care for me…In other words, I need my grove to hold me up, too.
When Bruce died, if not for the support of the people around me, I don’t know if I would have found my way out of the depression that accompanied my grief. The crazy thing is not only were they there for me, but I was there for them. What?
Yes… There were many times when I couldn’t figure out why I was still here without Bruce, when someone I love would call or come by because they needed me. Maybe all they needed was a listening hear or a hug, or maybe they actually needed a hand with something… It didn’t matter. What mattered was the fact that I was needed… There was a reason I am still here, and that was important… It helped me as much (if not more) than it helped them.
This latest turn in my path has found me dependent on the people around me once again. Only this time, it has been mostly physical dependence. There are so many things I just can’t do right now due to the restrictions that go along with my treatments. But that’s really not all… This crazy cancer thing has taken a toll on me emotionally, as well.
In fact, this morning I found myself in tears… This Tuesday will be round three of chemo. While it hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be, each round leaves me feeling like I have the flu, plus all the other side effects which seem to switch and change with each dose.
I was trying to explain my dread to someone this week… I’ve had the flu, but only twice in my adult life that I can remember. I remember it was terrible. But since there was a lot of time between bouts, I didn’t remember exactly what it was like when I got sick the second time. Plus, I didn’t know it was coming. But this… I know this is coming, and the memory is fresh… I am barely recovering from one dose when it is time for the next.
To be honest, I am already tired… Just thinking of doing this again (and again…) makes me cry. It probably sounds terrible, but I’m just over it… I don’t want to do this again. I am at a point where I just want to quit… And that is where my tears came from this morning.
I found myself thinking if Bruce were here, he would have a way of making me feel like we could do this… I know him… He would make me feel like he was carrying a part of this burden, as well. Then, I started thinking about why I agreed to do all this crazy treatment in the first place…
It is because I have people who love and care for me… I need them, and they need me. Our roots are as intermingled as those huge redwoods… And this week, as I go through another round of chemical cocktails and the after effects that linger for weeks, they will be here… They can’t do it for me, but I am not alone…
I have a grove to hold me up through this coming storm… And our love for each other is greater than my fear of what is ahead.
What about you? Did you or have you ever struggled with the idea of facing something that feels overwhelming? How did you come to terms with it? Or do you still need support in that area? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts?
We all know this isn’t easy, but you aren’t alone! We are here… Let us be your grove.
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