loss – Page 2 – Peace, Love & Grief

Peace, Love, and Grief – It’s Okay

Last week, you may remember, I was struggling – the holidays, the grief, the loneliness, the pressure – all of it was bringing me to a space that felt raw and dark… a space I didn’t want to be but wasn’t quite sure how to get around it.

But… The Universe/the Divine/Life, (choose your word), heard my cry for help…

Throughout the week, (despite the fact that I don’t even think they read this blog), friends and loved ones have sent me messages that either made me laugh or were messages of love or simply checking in to remind me that, despite what I may feel, I am not alone in this world. Even some of you, letting me know that you are feeling the same – that we are here, supporting each other. All of that seemed to be exactly what I needed… something else to focus on… something positive.

Some of the first messages were the ones that made me laugh… Oh my gosh! I needed that! I needed to laugh… and I needed that reminder that life is not meant to be so serious. It is much healthier to let myself laugh at the crazy, imperfections of life, than to stress about trying to make it all perfect, especially in a world that isn’t.

Then came the reminders of love and genuine caring about how I’m doing… Reminders that others realize this is a hard time of year… They understand the hurt that I may be feeling but want me to remember that I don’t need to carry all of that by myself.

I am loved… and every person in my world has reminded me of that this week.

It has all been a wonderful reminder that while I can’t control my emotions… They happen. They are what they are… What I can control is how I express and/or respond to those emotions. I was on the right path… I was working to stay focused on the positive, and life responded by multiplying the positive ten-fold.

And now… here I am, feeling abundantly loved… Still missing Bruce. (I don’t think that will ever go away completely.) Yet, feeling positive about the season, taking life as it comes, and feeling blessed by so many wonderful people in my world… Thank you.
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

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Peace, Love, and Grief – Here We Go Again

The last time I wrote, (before Thanksgiving), I was fighting to focus on things that make me smile – precious memories of past holidays and being mindful of the present and the memories currently being made… And “fighting” is the perfect word for how I have been feeling.

I don’t know why, but this year’s holiday season is a bigger struggle than the last few. There is no logical reason for it, but then again, grief has never been a logical journey for me. So, I have found myself hanging on for dear life, as this roller coaster seems to be barreling uncontrollably along the track.

It started about two or three weeks ago… Whenever I was alone, depression seemed to be closing in all around me, and the tears would start filling up my eyes. I was trying so hard to fight it… To push through it… To not let that negativity take over this holiday season.

Then, the week of Thanksgiving, things took a deep dive. For whatever reason, I started waking up with an overwhelming feeling of doom and deep anxiety. There was no reason for it in my daily life, so I am guessing it has been coming from my dreams, which I can’t seem to recall.

Then, from Thanksgiving to now, I have felt like I am sitting on the edge of some dark abyss – trying to maintain my balance… trying not to tumble down into that dark space, where climbing back out can feel nearly impossible. The tears are falling several times a day, and the smile I force on my face in public feels as fake as the fingernails on my hands.

With a lot of self-reflection, I have come to realize that while a big piece of all these emotions is simply because it is the holidays and Bruce is not here (again), there are other factors as well… Things that I am struggling to handle alone… Things that hurt so badly, I would give anything to feel Bruce’s arms around me – pulling me in and holding me tight, assuring me that I am not alone…

But I am alone… Bruce’s arms are no longer here to hold me… no longer here to bring me comfort or reassurance that it will all be okay.

This has been my year to stand in my truth… To hold my boundaries even when I know my decision is something the other person doesn’t quite know how to manage. I have spent most of my life making decisions to keep everyone else happy. However, when Bruce came along, he started encouraging me to just be me… It was hard and progress was slow. Then, he died and I was back at square one.

After so many years (and lots of counseling), I found myself ready to truly live my truth in 2025… Or so I thought. It has been hard… so hard. Most of my friends and family have been beyond supportive – encouraging me when I falter and allowing me to figure all of this out without the added pressure of killing the relationship if I don’t capitulate to what I think they want or need.

At the same time, that support has not come from everyone. I have lost some relationships this year that mean the world to me. I honestly don’t think anyone made a conscious decision to walk away simply because I didn’t do what they wanted in a given moment. I think it was more a matter of me changing and growing, and the relationship itself couldn’t manage that change. I miss them. I love them… And it hurts my heart so badly to grieve people who are still alive.

So, this is where I am this week… Trying to focus on the beauty and joy of this season and stay out of the darkness…

Trying to stand gently in my truth and not backslide to a space that is familiar but terribly unhealthy…

Trying to remember that it is okay to be as kind and gentle with myself as I encourage others to be with themselves…

Trying to breathe… and tend to the needs of my heart in healthy ways…

Trying to simply manage each moment one at a time as life presents itself…
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Our First Family Holiday

Well, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas in our little town, and I have started pulling out a few decorations here and there to get a jump on the decorating. Normally, I wait until the weekend after Thanksgiving to start all that, but there are already so many things on the calendar that I decided to start a little bit earlier this year.

Not that my decorating is what this week’s blog is about… It isn’t. At the same time, it is the decorating that sparked the memory that I want to share today… One that hits me every year as soon as the Christmas décor starts being pulled out of the boxes.

It was late September, when Bruce and I made the decision to get married. So then, Halloween weekend found my youngest daughter and I driving up to Michigan with a carload of our stuff and my middle daughter’s cat. Bruce and I were married about a week later… But we still had stuff back home, so the three of us traveled all the way back home to South Carolina a few weeks later, where we spent Thanksgiving Day with my family, loaded up a moving van with the final stuff we were taking with us, and traveled back to Michigan in time for Bruce to go to work on Monday.

Being the wonderful, generous people they are, Bruce’s folks lost no time in coming over on Monday (while Bruce was working) and helped my daughter and I unload the van and get settled in. Moving from a 3000 square foot home to a 900 square foot condo, though, meant that a lot of items were going into storage until we figured out what (if anything) to do with them.

I will always remember Bruce’s Dad laughing at me as he counted the number of boxes marked “Christmas”. I am pretty sure the number was somewhere around 20 (and that did not include a tree). His Dad, who was doing all the heavy lifting, just laughed and laughed as he carried yet another box into the house saying, “My goodness! You sure do love Christmas!”

By the time Bruce got home that night, the truck was unpacked, the furniture was in place, and there was a tower of Christmas boxes in the dining room waiting to be emptied over the next few days. Bruce chuckled as his dad continued to tease me. Then, he grinned and simply said, “I have some Christmas decorations too. Let me add them to the pile.”

Then, he proceeded to go into the closet and pull out one box… Yes, you read that right… one box… And when I peeked inside to see what he had in there, I saw one nativity set, one stocking, a Christmas blanket, and a tangled mess of Christmas lights… He just laughed sheepishly when he saw my face. “I’ve been a bachelor for 14 years. What did you expect?”

That week, while Bruce was at work, and my youngest was at school, I set to work decorating the house for Christmas. By Friday, with the exception of a tree, the house was decorated… It looked like Christmas had exploded in that tiny little space, and I was a little worried that my minimalist husband might not be too pleased.

I shouldn’t have worried though. When Bruce came through the door on that Friday, he looked around and grinned from ear to ear. Then, he took me in his arms and whispered, “You have really made this place look like a home… a real home… I can’t wait for my daughter to see this. She won’t believe this is the same place.”

After dinner, Bruce asked if we would all like to go to pick a tree the next morning. He suggested that we get that up and decorated over the weekend. While my daughter (who was understandably not thrilled at moving and having a stepfather) tried to act like she could care less, I couldn’t wait. We were going to have a wonderful Christmas… I just knew it.

So, early the next morning, Bruce tossed a saw into the back of his truck and the three of us piled into the front. There was fresh snow on the ground, but the truck was warm as we drove to what Bruce proclaimed was the “best Christmas tree farm in the state”. Once we arrived, the three of us piled out, Bruce grabbed the saw, I started inspecting trees, and my daughter did the “I’m bored and angsty” thing.

After several minutes, I called the two of them over to show them the tree I thought would be perfect. Bruce didn’t even look at it. Instead, he looked at my daughter and asked if she had picked one yet.
“What?” I asked.

“It’s tradition,” he responded. “In our family, the youngest daughter always picks the tree. Growing up, that was my youngest sister… She was always the one to pick the tree.”

“Seriously?”, I asked.

“Seriously,” he answered, as he turned back to my daughter.

Then, I saw my first Christmas miracle… My daughter’s face lit up as she realized the “gift” he was giving her… Not just a chance to pick our first family tree, but the gift of his family and her inclusion into their world and their traditions.

I will admit, it took me a few minutes to appreciate what was happening. However, after watching the two of them walk all over that farm until she finally found the tree she wanted, my heart softened. Then, watching him as he lay on his belly in the snow and proceeded to saw down “her tree”, I knew this was one of those precious moments that none of us would ever forget.

Many Christmases have come and gone since that year, and each one holds a precious place in my heart. Yet, that year will always stand out because that was the year that this wonderful man gave my family the gift of his family… and his heart.

Holiday Note: I will be taking a break next weekend, while I spend time with my family. I will meet you back here the following week.
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Courage

According to the dictionary, courage is defined as “the ability to do something that is frightening; bravery; strength in the face of pain.”

For those of us who have been left behind… who are now trying to figure out how to live on without our loved ones… we can tell the rest of the world that this takes courage… It has not only been a frightening prospect, but it has also required bravery and strength that I never knew I had within me.

Shoot, I’m not really sure I had it in me when this journey first started. I mean, I guess, I had a certain amount of courage because I kept on… I kept on breathing. I kept on getting out of bed. I kept on working and eating and living my life… And trust me when I say, NONE of that was easy.

I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to work or eat or laugh or breathe… I didn’t want to keep on living. What I wanted was to crawl into a dark hole somewhere and let the rest of the world go on without me… But I didn’t… I came close… very close many times… but I didn’t quit.

Instead, each day… each moment… I made the difficult decision to keep on… to take that next breath… to move through that next moment… that next conversation… that next challenge that life so “graciously” threw in my path.

It. Was. Hard.

But I didn’t quit… Sure, there were multitudes of times when I had to lean on family or friends to simply survive to the next moment… There were times when I got stuck in a darkness of my own creation, but their love gave me the gentle prod I needed to move again. In other words, I didn’t quit… and they didn’t quit on me.

Their love sustained me… Their love gave me purpose… Their love and support gave me space for my own courage to grow and develop within this new role in life, (even when I didn’t want to), and I am eternally grateful.

So, maybe it isn’t about how much courage we have going into our grief journey… Maybe, instead, for some of us, it is a matter of our courage growing because of the challenges that grief demands. In other words, maybe our courage is actually born of our grief… And maybe (just maybe) the courage that grief requires isn’t about what we are brave enough to do in each moment… Maybe instead, courage is more about the conscious decision to do the next hard thing… or take the next hard step… despite everything within us thinking we can’t.

I have been here for a while.
I am alone.
I have learned to be okay with that.

Here, it feels warm.
Here, it feels safe.
Here, I can just be…
no worrying…
no crying…
no feeling…
No life.

I must find my courage.
I must break out of this shell of isolation,
And like a seed,
I must push out of the comfort of my own creation
And move toward the sun…
To places unknown.
~ Linda, January 2024

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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – A Love Letter

Dear Babe,

Happy Anniversary! As I went to bed last night, it hit me that this would have been 20 years… Wow!! That seems crazy. It feels like just yesterday, we were boarding that boat in St. Thomas and sitting down beside each other for the first time… An event that would forever change both our lives.

I remember the late-night talks on that cruise when we shyly held hands or kissed… I remember sitting on the dock, watching the stars come out as we shared the stories that had brought each of us to that moment… or how you kept saying that you couldn’t wait for your family to meet me, (which may have freaked me out just a little bit).

I can’t help but think about our first date after the cruise, when I flew up to Michigan in February, (because that is everyone’s dream destination in the middle of winter – LOL). Or, how about the anniversary we spent in Northern Michigan just so I could finally go on a true, old-fashioned sleigh ride? I am laughing remembering how you brought along several blankets and a flask of rum to “keep us warm”, and by the end of the day, you had to carry me back to our room and put me to bed. (Hot chocolate may have been a wiser choice.) LOL!

So many wonderfully, precious memories… and all with you… and me… and a little thing called, love. <3

This weekend, though, is all about that day when we told the world that we were in love and committed to each other. We had already made that vow to each other many months earlier, but on this day, we shared that commitment with our families and the rest of the world. We had both been burned badly before and were so scared, but our love was greater than our fears… So, there we stood in front of that judge and a few family members ready to spend the rest of forever together.

We were like two pieces of a puzzle that makes up this life – a perfect fit, despite each having had our own struggles. How many times did we lie in each other’s arms talking about how the other seemed to heal those parts of ourselves that had been hurt so deeply by others? … Not a one-way street, but a mutual love that healed two hearts at once.

I keep thinking back to our first dance on that cruise in the Caribbean, and then to the last one in our bedroom just days before you died. God, how I miss those moments!

I don’t care how much time passes, I don’t think I will ever understand why I am here and you are gone… It feels like some kind of awful mistake. My hope, though, lies in my belief that we will see other again… and I will run into your arms… and we will hold each other forever.

As I sit here today listening to “our song”, I find myself crying and smiling at the same time… So thankful to have known and loved you – this man who quickly became my hero… my knight in shining armor… So broken-hearted that you are gone… So blessed to have loved you and to have known your love in return.

As you used to say, “God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you!” *

I love you, Babe… and that’s forever!

* Rascal Flats, Bless the Broken Road
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Waves of Grief

Over the last few years, I spent a good deal of time in therapy working through old issues and trauma – reprocessing, finding my voice, forgiving myself, and learning to be comfortable setting boundaries vs “people pleasing” behavior. It has been hard… It has even been overwhelming at times… and it has been freeing beyond anything I have ever experienced.

Over the past several months, I have felt really good. Yes, I still miss Bruce. However, the pain has not been overwhelming. I have even been able to reminisce about him with a smile on my face and in my heart. In fact, a couple of weeks ago while at the beach with Bruce’s sister, we had a toast in his honor and poured him a beer, as well.

While I completely expected to fall apart, I didn’t. I found myself smiling at the many memories he and I had in that very spot enjoying lunch and a drink. In other words, I was a bit proud of myself for making headway in the grief and mourning department… In other words, I thought, “Wow! I’m doing okay… Go me!”

Then, last Saturday, my son and I were out at dinner – enjoying the weather, the food, and some live music. Life was good, and this felt like the perfect way to start a new week. As we sat there laughing and chatting, the musician started playing Jimmy Buffet’s song, A Pirate Looks at Forty… or as I tend to refer to it, Mother, Mother Ocean.

Bruce and I were huge Jimmy Buffet fans, and this was one of Bruce’s favorite songs… Something in it just clicked for him. So, at first, I smiled. Then… before the first stanza was finished, I found tears welling up in my eyes and I got very quiet.

This was nuts! Where had all this emotion come from? It was just a song, for goodness’ sake! Why was I letting this one song set off a wave of tears… and how could I stifle this emotional response? I didn’t want to cry… and I didn’t want to cry in public! What in the world was wrong with me?!

And just like that… a wave of grief had washed over me like a tsunami, leaving me tumbling and struggling to figure out which way was up where I could catch a breath.

I spent the next several days fighting the impulse to fall into that deep rabbit-hole of depression. It would be so easy to do a deep dive into all the things that have been hurting my heart lately, such as church politics, lies to and about me, loss of trust with friends… All of it came flooding into my mind leaving me on the edge of a big pity party. I could feel it… and while I wanted to fight it, I also wanted to totally give in to it and just feel all the things…

I am sure most of you know how this goes – in public, I went on smiling, acting like all is well, and asking everyone else how they were doing – Anything to avoid dealing with or sharing my own pain. However, in private, I was a hot mess – falling into a depression that I wasn’t sure I could stop and wondering when (if ever) the pain and grief of losing Bruce will ever be gone… I mean, really gone?

Then, on Monday, during my meditation time, I read about learning to find peace within my heart… and within my truth… And so, I was reminded…

Life is complicated with easy times and hard times… Our emotions are as fleeting as the wind – able to come and go in a breath… and all of that is dependent on all the other things going on in our lives. Bad things don’t happen simply because I am bad, and good things don’t happen simply because I am good.

Good and bad things happen to all of us… (That is just life.) What matters is how we choose to process the event – Is there a lesson I need to learn? Is this a redirection of my path (not the blockage I am currently seeing)?

So that is where I am today… still processing the grief that knocked my off my feet earlier in the week. However, this time, I am working hard to make sure that this is only a small set-back… or if I will even let it become that…

Instead, I want to allow myself to feel what I feel about all the things going on in my world… Only so I can move forward, though, and not get stuck. I also want to show love and kindness to those who have hurt me, and at the same time, set boundaries and take action to protect myself in areas where I have lost trust… and, most of all, I want to remember to lean into the love and grace that Bruce brought into my world and let that carry me when the grief feels overwhelming.
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Where I Fit

The truth is,
When we grieve,
We’re not waiting to feel love again;
Love is waiting on us
To embrace it fully.”
~ Rev. Ogun Holder, Grief as a Spiritual Practice

I think one of the hardest things about grief is figuring out where I fit in… and trusting that space…

Life is filled with relationships that come and go. Sometimes relationships just fizzle out. Other times it seems to be a mutual decision to move in different directions. And then there are those times when the relationship takes a turn we aren’t expecting and suddenly, we find the relationship is over and we are at a loss as to why.

The first two aren’t really emotionally devastating. Therefore, moving on and being willing to trust again in another relationship is easy. The last one, though, can create a reluctance to move forward into other relationships… a distrust in others seems to always be there – just below the surface. (At least, it is that way for me.)

When Bruce died, it was like the last scenario… Suddenly the relationship was over. I couldn’t comprehend why or how… He was too young. He seemed so healthy. None of it made sense. I felt (often still feel) completely broken by his loss. My whole life is now defined by what happened before he died and what has happened after.

Learning to trust life again has become a daily quest…

When Bruce first died, just like when I got divorced, many friends weren’t quite sure what to do with me. When I got divorced, though, it was more a matter of “his friends” and “my friends”. I know it sounds childish, but I think most divorced people have experienced this in some way.

Losing a spouse, however, is different. Friends aren’t divided up like property. Instead, there seem to be other factors that came into play. One such example is the fact that I am no longer part of a couple… While I still feel married, they see me as single, and that has the potential to feel threatening to other relationships. For them, I suppose, the solution was to either find someone else for me or to let me go as a friend. While most of them still keep in touch, I am no longer an intimate part of their world… and that hurt.

The troubling part is, though, I’m not looking for anyone else. I still love Bruce. Therefore, I don’t really fit into the single crowd either. So, finding a space where I truly fit in can be a challenge.

I came to realize this week that most of my current friendships are with people who never knew Bruce… Who never knew me as anything other than a widow. These friends seem to accept me for who and where I am. Most of these friends accept that I still talk about and miss Bruce. Although, every now and then, I am still asked (in some form), “Don’t you think it’s time to let him go?” The unspoken part seems to be, “It’s been years. You seem fine. Aren’t you over it yet?”

I can’t… not yet… maybe not ever… It’s that simple…

For so long, I expected to find some kind of healing on this journey. I wanted the pain to go away. However, over time, I have come to realize that this thing that happened… Bruce’s death… is something that I will always carry with me in some way.

I don’t think it requires fixing. I don’t think I require fixing. At this point, I believe this journey is more about learning to accept “what is” instead of fighting it. It is about understanding that the emotions and situations that rise out of my grief and this loss each hold something to help me grow… something to help me understand myself better… something to help me embrace life fully as I discover who I am meant to be and where I fit in now.

“Healing implies a restoration to wholeness… We are never not whole… We are never truly broken, even though we might feel we are.”
~ Rev. Ogun Holder, Grief as a Spiritual Practice

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – The Sacred

Often the instruments of change
Are not kind or just
And the hardest openness
Of all might be
To embrace the change
While not wasting your heart
Fighting the instrument.
~ Mark Nepo, Fighting the Instrument

I was raised with the idea that God is sacred. The Christian Bible is sacred. Life in the womb was even (on some occasions) labeled “sacred”, although that was more in the late ’70s to early ’80s – not in my younger years. What I learned went something like this…

God? Sacred (period)

People? Sinners… unworthy… Not sacred.

Animals? Not capable of conscious thought and less than human… Not sacred.

Plants, Rocks, nature in general – No thought, no soul, created solely for animal benefit, and therefore, less than humans or animals… Not sacred.

This never sat quite right with me… Early on, I began to believe that all things are sacred… Not trying to be religious or controversial… So, please don’t tune me out… Stay with me for a bit more, please.

First, I know that not all of us in this space share the same faith or ideas of God, the Universe, or whatever Divinity or Non-divinity ideations that exist. That is fine. This idea, today, though hinges on two thoughts for me… Maybe one (or both) will be something you can relate to, as well.

First thought… If the Divine/Universe/(Insert your own view here) created all things, then all things are Divine – no mistakes. All things are as they are meant to be, and no one thing is more sacred than another… Instead, all things are sacred. All things are to be cared for and treated with awe and respect.

We can look at the world around us and choose to see the blessings and abundance that surround us – day in and day out… The beauty in a flower opening in spring and the exhilaration of walking through a path of crunchy fall leaves… The endearing scent of a newborn baby and the stories and memories of a beloved senior… The unfiltered exuberance of a puppy and the majesty of a soaring eagle… All of these things inspire awe in me. All of these things deserve sacred respect from me.

But, there is something more. This is the second part… It isn’t just the things that we can experience through our five senses that are sacred…

Anyone who has experienced the loss of someone they loved dearly has also learned that there are other precious things also surrounding us which cannot be touched, seen, heard, tasted, or smelled. Through our loss and grief, we learned fairly quickly just how precious life and time truly are. Neither can be replicated or recreated… Once they are gone, they are gone… for good.

We can’t get time back, and we can’t get our loved ones back. Yet, moving forward in life can often feel impossible. There are days when all I can think about is how I wish Bruce were still here… But he isn’t… And while it is important for our healing for us to stand in that pain and work through it, staying there for too long stops us from experiencing and appreciating the sacredness of our own lives… right here… right now.

It isn’t easy. I know that… I have no intention of trying to sound like it is. I am writing this as much as a reminder for myself as for anyone else on this path. I know exactly how precious life is. I also know that the time I have with my other loved ones is precious, as well. Still, I’ll admit it – I’m not full-on loving this life every single moment. (Who is?)

What I am saying is that I want to remember just how precious and sacred are this life and this time that I have been gifted here… Then, I want to stand in my circumstances (whatever they are) and still live my life in such a way that others will know it, too.

“Longing for the past and its seeming perfection
destroys our ability to create the potential sacredness of today.”
~ Jamie Sams, Earth Medicine

NOTE: If you were looking for me last weekend, I was traveling with one of Bruce’s sisters – spending precious time with a precious sister. I thank you for your understanding. 😊
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Sing Your Song

“The dialogue ended
no more give-and-take
now there was one way
their way
the tone of taunt in every exchange:
“Why can’t you sing your song?
We’ll play the music . . .
you just sing along”
~ Jerry Webber, Psalm 137 Prayer (excerpt)

I have talked several times in this blog about the fact that every grief journey is different – as individual as each of us. Honestly, though, every life journey is different, and ours just happens to also include this path of grief and loss.

I have also talked about how Bruce always encouraged me to speak up – to have a voice that is genuinely mine and not be afraid to share that. Then, when he died, I struggled for many years to continue in that direction. In fact, I believe I spent years moving backwards – afraid my voice wasn’t enough… afraid to speak out and share what is inside with those around me.

Last May, while on a spiritual retreat, one of the speakers talked about just that… Finding your voice and offering it to the world… After all, if you don’t sing your song to the world, your song won’t be sung… and we all have a song to sing… a song that matters… a song that is only ours.

That has been my goal is so many areas of my life, (including this blog), – to be brave, speak up, and sing my own song. I know that not everyone will agree with everything I say. Of course not! It is my song based on my experience. Someone else’s may be similar, but it will never be the exact same experience… the exact same song.

What I don’t want to do is change my song to match someone else’s song or their experience. That is theirs to vocalize (or not). I spent my childhood and most of my adult life, stifling my song – too scared on how others might react or respond… too scared that others might decide to walk away. In fact, some people have chosen to walk away… and that’s okay. I am learning to live with that and accept it.

Bruce, however, showed me that my voice is just as important and valid as anyone else’s. He also reiterated many times that when someone withholds their part in this world, (even just a little bit), the world cannot become what it is meant to become. Every voice and every journey is important… and no one should stop singing their song for another…

So, sing your song… because if you don’t, your song won’t be sung… and that would be so sad…

“I am me –
unique and wonderful in all my imperfections…
I know this because,
I am a child of God.

The song I sing
Is only mine to sing.
I know this because,
I am a child of God.

My desires do not require anything
Other than my own openness.
Will I create the space for these holy gifts
already imbedded deep in my soul?
Will I accept this quiet invitation
to co-create this world around me with the Divine?
Yes…
Because…
I am me –
A sacred child of God.”
~ Linda, May 2025 (excerpt)

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Permission

This week, while talking to Bruce’s parents, the conversation (naturally) moved to Bruce and all that entails – how much we love him and how much we miss him… And for me, I always thank them for gift of this wonderful man they raised to be so kind and loving. As we talked, the tears were streaming down my face, and there were moments when none of us could even form words – so thick was our shared grief.

For me, it didn’t stop there. I was still crying as I crawled into bed. And before turning out the lights, I whispered to Bruce, “I still miss you, Babe… I still love you… I don’t know how to stop.”

When I woke up the next morning, I was better, but I found myself thinking about something that I have read many times. There is a notion making the rounds that for people who are grieving, it can be hard to let the grief go, because our grief often feels like one of the last connections we have to our loved ones. That is quite the statement, (feels a bit judgy) and I’m not sure how I feel about that… I can’t say it is completely wrong, but I don’t know that it is completely right either.

For me, if I am honest with myself, I suppose there is some truth to this statement. I don’t know how to not grieve the loss of Bruce. Over the years, I have learned how to compartmentalize it and put it aside as needed… At least, most of the time. However, it isn’t quite as simple as the statement above…

It isn’t a matter of being my “last connection” to Bruce, although in many ways, I guess it is the way I connect to him… But it is a little bit different than that. You see, it isn’t that I refuse to let go… It is more about the triggers that occur when I think about him or want to share something with him or when I hear “our song” or any other number of things… Then the tears start and my heart shatters all over again. Then, if I let myself think about this particular logic, there is added guilty for my emotions, and I question what is behind my grief.

That’s not fair and it isn’t helpful.

We all have permission to fall apart sometimes (as needed) … No guilt… No judgement… No need to analyze the “why” unless we want to – no one else. It isn’t their place (period).

Here is the part I hope each of us remembers when these waves of grief hit us…
• Falling apart is allowed.
• Grief is hard.
• To survive grief, we are warriors – fierce and strong.

Don’t ever let anyone else tell you otherwise, and do not give them the power to tell you how and/or when to grieve… This is your journey – not theirs. Keep doing whatever it is that you need to do in those moments. That is how we heal… That is how we continue to live.
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief